It Shouldn’t Take A Crisis, But It Does

It was darn well near an annual event I would have to suffer “female hysterics” during my 20’s.  Be it a suicide threat, a screaming, inconsolable girl on the interstate, or an attention-whore slapping me and then dramatically exiting a night club, at least once a year some 20-something girl I was courting would throw a tantrum for the slightest and most fabricated of reasons.

Oddly enough, this abruptly ended once I entered my 30’s.

My tactics didn’t change.  The type of girls I dated didn’t change.  My venues didn’t change.  But the veritable spoiled brat suburbanite princess screaming at the top of her lungs and threatening suicide because I didn’t offer to buy her a soda, oddly vanished from my dating experiences.

The reasons why are bi-fold.

One, these little girls realized once men hit their 30’s, they were never going to fall for female hysterics again.  Temper-tantrums and female hysterics were very short term strategies, with shelf-lives only as long as it took men to figure out what BS they were.  So girls would deploy this strategy on a naive and unsuspecting 23 year old who didn’t know any better and would foolishly ask “what did I do wrong,” but would never try it against a 31 year old who had the wisdom to say, “dat bitch be crazy.”

Two, these girls grew up.

But what is interesting is the second reason – these girls grew up.  And it is this second point where a lesson lies.

Understand, for the most part, American and western women are the most spoiled, entitled group of people in the economic history of the world.

This is not opinion.

This is not hyperbole.

This is not bitterness.

It is fact.

From the day they are born into the 1st world lottery of the planet they have their daddies taking care of “their precious little girl.”  Daddy’s girl is then treated to a 17 year K-College experience where academia, media, society, and boys bend over backwards to adorn them with praise, adulation, and money.  An additional 3-5 years of praise is granted by graduate school, affirmative action, government, and the entertainment industry serving and fulfilling every one of their financial, educational and psychological needs.  So by the time they are 30 they have never suffered genuine strife, never really had to try, never had any challenge, and have had the entire world paying money to have the honor and privilege to kiss their ass.  The result is a woman whose entire focus in life is herself.  She is incapable of sympathy, empathy, selflessness and altruism, and consequently is also incapable of marriage.

That is until the “crisis.”

Understand when I say “crisis” I’m not talking so much about “the wall” or “biological clock,” but rather an event in life where

unconsciously

and for the first time

women force themselves into a position where they are no longer the center of their lives. And because of this they now HAVE to consider others, they HAVE to take responsibility and HAVE to suffer the consequences of their decisions.  And it is here where they have their “crisis.”

The crisis can take any number of forms.  Daddy confesses he’s bankrupt and has been borrowing money to maintain a lifestyle he can’t afford and thus Lil’ Princess has to pay for her own convertible Cabriolet.  Princess graduates from grad school, but can’t find a job and now has to figure out how to pay back all those student loans.  Sweetie Pie marries the wrong guy and in three years gets divorced.  Or, the most common one, Cupcake has a child.  Whatever form the crisis takes, the spoiled little suburbanite princess goes from a picturesque world of the Daddy-Government complex bailing her out, with academia and media ensuring her ego and career are intact, as she sips “Flirtini’s” as desperate boys cover the tab, to a divorced single mom, with poor career prospects, and severe financial issues within a matter of ohhh…3-6 years.

5 years ago she and her girlfriends were getting guys to buy them martini’s at Sex and the City night at the night club.

Now her 3 year old daughter has strep.

5 years ago she and her boyfriend were enjoying a nice dinner together.

Now she has to hit him up for child support.

5 years ago she was the assistant, vice, director of the public school’s diversity program.

Now she’s looking for a job with her “masters in education” because budget cuts eliminated worthless positions and programs.

In short the former elite princess, who was on top of the social, economic, and sexual world, are now suffering her first dose of reality and it is such a devastating blow, it destroys the insufferable princess and replaces it with a genuine woman capable of empathy, care, compassion, selflessness, and altruism.  She actually becomes a tolerable, humble, honest, approachable and enjoyable person, one who is on time, responsible, and is thus capable of marriage.

But oh, the irony.  The harsh and cruel irony.

For, in order for a woman to “convert” from the spoiled brat American princess, she needs to suffer her “crisis.”  And in order to suffer her crisis, she more or less needs to make a mistake.  But in making that mistake she by default takes on baggage.  Baggage, that more often than not, mutually excludes her from being a viable candidate for courting or marriage.

For example, my millionaire pilot friend faces this exact and very binary quandary.  He’s 42.  He’s in shape.  He’s a millionaire and he’s a pilot.  He is every girl’s dream come true.  He has absolutely no problem finding hot little 20 somethings to date, but when out with them they are insufferable.  They are not interesting.  They have not suffered strife in their lives.  And they are completely self-absorbed.  He then opts for 30+ women.  Thankfully they are more mature, reliable, interesting and nice, but the only reason they are nice is because they have gone through their crisis and by default they have deal-breaking baggage.

Another man’s child.

A divorce.

A criminal record.

Psychological damage.

Financial problems

Etc.

They may be nice, but they are now officially damaged goods.  They too are also not marriage material.

This behooves the question then, “can a woman be marriage material without having to go through some sort of crisis that results in the commensurate baggage that would ironically 86 any marriage potential?” and the answer is sadly “no.”

In the olden days, “yes,” where a wise father would have sat his daughter down and explained to her just how lucky she would be to have a pilot, millionaire, husband, let alone a reliable accountant who pulled in $50,000/year.  But, no, not today.  The two today are a mutually exclusive event.  You cannot find a sane woman who has gained that sanity through strife without the mandatory baggage that comes with said strife.  The “best” hope you can have is a girl who was brought up under poverty, appreciates hard work and discipline, is a self-supporting woman, and who also physically bloomed later in life.  In this “ideal” condition you have a woman who learned her lessons while still young, didn’t manage to bring another man’s child into the world for you to pay for, had humility beat into her because she was the “ugly duckling,” and thus when she “blooms” you have the best of both worlds.  Unfortunately, such women account for less than 1% of the population, and to my knowledge are theoretical because I have never personally seen such a woman.  Thus, in short, you are forced into that dichotomy – baggageless women who are insufferable or women who have suffered their crisis, are compatible with marriage, but are necessarily damaged goods.

All the more reason when you do find the rare marriage-worthy girl, you appreciate her.

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