Like many of you, I was eager to put into practice the tools I had gotten from the manosphere once I became red pilled. It is easy to get excited and want to actualize your potential, especially if you are coming from a place of scarcity in terms of women and success. You imagine yourself living like Dan Bilzerian, screwing a different European supermodel every night and then kicking her to the curb, making tons of money, and just generally being admired by all the beta male onlookers.
It does not take long to realize that, as with all things, this takes time. But when you have fully swallowed the red pill, it can be frustrating to have to purposefully hold onto blue pill tendencies while you wait to mature and gain experience. I am going to provide some explanations as to why you need to be careful in this game, and then I will briefly and clearly expand on how.
When I was totally new to game, the idea of being the hunter and going out and getting what I want was highly appealing. As a disenfranchised male just wanting women to give me the time of day, this newly created persona felt so right. I began walking with my chest out, with confidence, assured of what I am about to get out of life. And that is exactly where I went wrong.
When I would say things like “Ball’s in your court; I don’t have all day” to girls who I figured were playing me, it wasn’t coming from a sincere place of alpha manhood. When I would apply the Chateau’s 2:3 text rule, figuring it would win me over the girl’s approval, it accomplished nothing but made it harder to communicate what I needed to say. When I would say edgy things to girls I was making moves on, it would just come off as bitter and mean. After a while, I became increasingly frustrated and baffled by why none of this was working.
The easy answer, which I found everywhere, was that you need to work on your inner game first and foremost. That means building an impressive body, distancing yourself from the stresses of the world, abstaining from pornography, and building a solid male friend base.
No doubt this was mainly good advice, but it presented some problems. I, like many others new to the manosphere at the time, was entering this world having formerly relied on waiting for others’ approval and taking the easy route. This now felt eerily like that. I could make the excuse that I wasn’t spinning more plates or even approaching more girls because “I’m working on my inner game first.”
The two extremes and the risk of rejection
This is exactly what is wrong with these two extremes (on one hand, jumping straight into forced, aggressive game and on the other hand, avoiding game entirely to read books and lift). In either situation, I was taking the easy route and protecting myself from rejection. Read that line again, because it is important.
We protect ourselves from the potential of heartache or failure. What if that girl doesn’t like me? What if this class is too hard? By “taking time to focus on inner game,” we very clearly do not have to worry about the cold feeling of rejection. And, by the same token, aggressive game (negging being the perfect example) allows you to stay in your shell and dismiss rejections on account of “she wasn’t worth my time anyway.”
Rejection stings so much because it is perceived to be a rejection of everything we are: everything we have worked for up to this point, the ups and downs, the identity we have of ourselves, and our ultimate understanding of our place in the world. To have that flipped on its head by some girl you met just minutes ago is painful. It’s painful, but it’s important.
Before you can begin to employ the confident, assertive strategies of an alpha male, you must become that alpha male. And while inner game is integral to that, nothing is to say you cannot approach right now. What I am asking you beginners out there to do is to cold approach girls directly in a variety of settings. Keep going, utilizing indirect game at times and direct game at others, doing it solo or with a wingman, trying sober or buzzed, until you start spinning some plates.
Getting there is no merry-go-round, but it is a vital period of growth as a man. Because once you become moderately more seasoned and now actually have reliable lays on call, you will have learned not to take the “sorry, I have a boyfriend” lie as personally. And you won’t need to tell yourself that “she’s a slut anyway,” because you honestly will not care that much about what her reasoning is.
I am no pro now, but the confidence I exude when dealing with women I am intimate with or am actively courting feels natural. Had I tried to force this confidence in my formative years, I would have come off as insincere and even more beta/insecure than I already was.
Nowadays, it still takes some reminder that I should be making her chase me, but it feels more and more to be a part of who I am. When I tell a girl who wants me to buy her a drink before we can dance that “I’ll let some other pathetic guy do that,” I do not walk away patting myself on the back for being such a Chad. It does reaffirm for me that I am better than having to stoop to her little games, but I don’t have the mental burden of thinking about how alpha I’m being constantly. When I go cold on a girl for a few days, it is because I am not feeling the reciprocity from her that I expect and so I genuinely am not interested in being her puppy.
What I am saying is: patience, grasshopper. I still hear men bragging about how they approach girls or what they say to girls they’re dating. This insincerity leaks through and girls pick up on it. Build the genuine version of yourself that does all the things you read about doing but naturally.
Read More: 8 Solid Day Game Tips For Beginners