The Sexual Revolution created a big free-for-all. Yet paradoxically, it’s been slim pickings for most men. Proverbially, today’s sexual marketplace follows the Pareto rule where the top 20% of men have great success, but the other 80% get the scraps (if even that). Societally, it’s a tremendous recipe for unhappiness when most guys are left out in the cold.
However, for an individual man, it need not be a cause for despair. The reason why is that it actually isn’t hard to get into the top fifth. Yes, it’s easier than you think.
So who gets into the top 20%?
Although men tend to put a very high value on looks, women have a wider range of criteria. Thus, there are several advantages that can work towards a man’s favor: social proof, wealth, good looks, personality, etc. How much these are valued may be assumed to vary somewhat according to individual tastes, but these are all good attributes. There’s no clear dividing line of who is in the favored top quintile, but the results in your love life will give you a pretty good idea when you get there.
The more advantages you have, the better, and this can offset disadvantages. For example, Hugh Hefner was so rich and famous that he had more cute babes than he knew what to do with even when he was an old fossil. He had girlfriends young enough to be his granddaughters, all the way up to when it was time to stick in the embalming needles. Chairman Mao had a sea of groupies despite atrocious hygiene and untreated STDs. That’s not a pretty picture, but you get what I mean.
You don’t have to get to rock star level here—membership in the top 20% is your target. However, maximize what you have. We’ll focus on a couple of items which are attainable with time and effort.
First of all, over two thirds of the American population is overweight, and it’s not too far behind in many other countries. In fact, about a third is clinically obese. Those in the normal weight range are either skinny, skinny-fat (weak and a little doughy), or muscular. Take a wild guess what’s more attractive. So if you can get some visible muscular definition—and the more the merrier—you’re going to stand out from the crowd.
The “Do looks matter?” question has long been debated. Once again, there are other avenues for success if you’re not muscular (yet). Still, check out your nearest bookstore’s romance novel aisle (also known as chick porn). Did you notice any covers where the guy has the body of a cheeseburger addict, an anorexic, or the typical hipster? I didn’t think so. Looks aren’t everything, but it’s a fact that muscularity causes sexual attraction on sight, just as a lady with curves in all the right places gets your attention. Think that could be an advantage?
How you look affects how you get treated. Recently, a cute eighteen year old flirted with me a couple of times, no mean feat for someone old enough to be her dad. She also saw me six months ago, but didn’t really notice me. However, she did after I dropped thirty pounds, revealing better definition and vascularity. Other than that, who’s more likely to get pepper sprayed for saying “hi”—someone who’s badly out of shape. or a fit guy? All that is good reason to hit the gym and push the fork out of your face.
Other than that, do all guys dress sharp? Do all guys have good posture? Does everyone even have good hygiene? Those can be fixed pretty quickly. If you have those bases covered, you’re in line ahead of those who don’t.
Mainstream dating advice hasn’t caught up with the times. The 1950s game that’s still conventional advice doesn’t get you too far these days. In fact, the manosphere and PUA literature are the only places you’ll find up-to-date information. This is one reason of many why most guys today have terrible game. Think you can do better than that? Simply by finding this site, you have access to better knowledge than most guys out there. By taking the critical step of putting it into practice, that alone can get you into the favored top fifth.
Some articles here state that most guys are too scared to make an approach. At first, I found that doubtful. I’ve flirted since early adolescence; back then, that was what everyone did. (I was terrible at it in the beginning, as is everyone; it really is a learned skill.) Today, social media is making people less social. Online dating isn’t a good way of getting practice with personal interaction, and it’s also a sausage fest. Lately I’ve observed that many guys are socially disconnected, and probably using porn and video games as surrogates for human interaction.
Apparently a statistically significant fraction of the population really has left the game. Some of the pawns just walked off the chessboard. It’s a sad sight, though their loss is your gain. Obviously anyone who has the guts to start a conversation is ahead of anyone who doesn’t. Much like sales, it’s a numbers game, and doing nothing gains you nothing.
However, it takes more than just opening your mouth. Women hate lame approaches. I see a lot of bad game happening out there. You can distinguish yourself by being better. Social awareness can get you pretty far—it’s not mind reading, but consider it the next best thing. Becoming good at conversation gets results too. Once again, these are learned skills; putting in the practice gets you results.
Projecting positive vibes certainly can help. I don’t mean in a New Agey kind of way; what I mean is that moods are contagious. Being fun and carefree is where it’s at. There are times when you won’t be feeling it, but try to method-act it. That gives you an advantage at the club over mopey drunks, loudmouth drunks, grouchy drunks, awkward drunks, and recently divorced after catching the wife being tag-teamed by a dozen guys in clown suits kinds of drunks.
The sexual marketplace imbalance, in which average women don’t think average men are good enough for them, seems like a cruel cosmic joke. Unfortunately, that’s what we have to work with until things settle back down to normal, which might take decades. In the meantime, it’s better to be a “have” than a “have-not”.
So if you put it all into action, your results should improve. All that I outlined above is straightforward and attainable. This isn’t effortless, so let me qualify things. I mean this is easier than becoming a millionaire, rock star, porn magnate, or President-For-Life of some unstable developing country. Anyway, go out there and make it work for you.