Broadly, there are two types of “game.” The first type is pick-up artist (PUA) game: the art of meeting girls and getting them to go out on a date—or more. The second type is relationship game: the ability to stay in a relationship with the high quality female of your choice. Unfortunately, just because you are good at one does not mean you will be good at the other. Unless you plan to become a monk, you need to be adept with both types.
Pick-up game qualities
A man with good pick-up game has a certain set of qualities. Probably the most important of these is self-confidence. If you have self-confidence and nothing else, you can still have good pick-up game.
I encountered a great example of this while I was still dating my future wife. One of her friends was dating a very shady character that she met at a club. Even though this guy didn’t have much going for him, he was very effective at presenting himself as a man to reckoned with. Whenever he went out, he made sure he was dressed like James Bond. Even though he had a minimum wage job and no marketable skills, he created a Facebook page where he listed himself as CEO of some imaginary company. More importantly, the man exhibited bulletproof self-confidence. When he spoke to girls, he gave off the impression of being a very important person. Using his technique, he was able to pull some very attractive girls, live with them with them for a period until they caught on to his true situation, and then move on to another target.
The second most important factor in good pick-up game is having the ability to carry on a conversation. If you look like a Brad Pitt but are unable to chat comfortably, you will never be able to refine your pick-up game to high levels. Some pick-up artists use predetermined pick-up lines, but I never used them and had pretty good success in every venue except nightclubs where girls are naturally copping an attitude and where the music is so loud that conversation is impossible. Simply developing good general conversation skills—talking to a girl is really not too different from talking to your friends—is probably a better use of time than memorizing a script.
Of course, it helps to be good looking but it is not as important as confidence and the ability to chat. Regardless of what you may hear girls do prefer buff men. A man did an experiment on Tinder where he posted a picture of a very fit male model, but included some strong red-pill statements. Despite his “misogynist” sentiments, women were fawning all over him hoping to get noticed. When it comes to physical appearance, cleanliness and dressing well can’t hurt either.
Finally, attitude is also important to pick-up game. If you give off an air of desperation, you will have little success. There are other more esoteric concepts that you can find here on ROK. Those concepts can be helpful, but if you have the qualities mentioned above, your pick-up game will be solid.
Relationship game qualities
Most websites that talk about game stop at pick-up game. But most men do not want to hop from woman to woman for the rest of their lives. We want to settle down with a single, high-quality woman. Being able to keep a high quality woman also requires game, but the qualities it requires are different from those required in pick-up game. Some of them are shared.
For example, self-confidence is critical to relationship game. Women want a leader they can trust. The difference is that when you are in a relationship, you can’t fake self-confidence because your wife or girlfriend will see you at your worst moments. She will see the real you and if the image you’ve constructed doesn’t match reality, she will lose interest.
Another quality of good relationship game is being able to provide. While some women are just immoral gold diggers, all women are naturally wired to seek out a man who can provide her in and her children with food, shelter, and protection. Ideally, women want to marry an alpha male who can provide. If no alphas are available to her, a woman will settle down with a beta male who is a good provider. This is a bad situation as women always gravitate to alpha males, even after marriage. The phrase, alpha fucks, beta bucks conveys a lot of truth. Therefore, it is critical to up your social status if you plan to stay in a relationship.
A third important quality is having a mission. Women want to be loved and cherished but they don’t want a man whose entire universe is his woman. Please don’t be that guy who loses his life and merges into his woman like some weird parasite. Discerning a mission is not always easy but once you find it, it will focus your life like nothing else.
Communication skills—listening and being able to verbalize what you are thinking—are critical to a successful long-term relationship. You don’t have to worry about being interesting so much as being able to genuinely converse about what matters. Allied with this, a man needs to be a true friend of his spouse/girlfriend.
Just as in pick-up game, maintaining your looks is necessary in a relationship. Turning into a slob after you get a girlfriend or get married is a good way of encouraging your woman to look elsewhere. That said, once you are in a relationship, especially marriage, looks take a backseat to the other qualities.
Last but not least, love is requirement for a successful long term relationship. That doesn’t mean that you have to feel infatuated with your partner, but you must love your girl as you love yourself. After all, if you don’t love your woman, why are you in a relationship with her?
To be a well-rounded man, you must have a good degree of both types of game. You’ll need pick-up game to meet the women you want to meet, and once you’ve met one you want to settle down with, you’ll need relationship game to keep her. The good news is that if you are missing one or both types of game, it is possible to develop the qualities through diligent effort.