It has been said—aptly—that water conforms to the shape of the vessel into which it is poured.  Applied to women, the analogy means that the personal characteristics of women from a given nation are formed by the culture and customs of that nation.  Environment shapes character.  I have had the good fortune to spend several years of my life in mainland Japan and Okinawa.  I’ve continued to visit Japan on and off over the years, and still interact with Japanese women here in the US.  I thought it would be useful to comment on some of the positive qualities of Japanese women.  I hope the reader will find something of value here, and will investigate further.  Every man has his own female preferences, and what one man finds alluring, another man may not.

The hazard of an article like this, of course, is the risk of over-generalization.  Japanese culture has changed much in recent decades, and it goes without saying that the younger generations are less traditional and more Westernized than their predecessors.  This depressing erosion of traditional values is a feature that has been observed across the world.  But Japanese women are still different enough that it is possible to make valid generalizations in comparing them with women of other nations.  And since limitations of space here impose brevity on the writer, we must get to the point quickly, and trust to the tolerance of the patient reader.

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My point is that Japanese women possess certain traits which make them especially appealing.  You may not find in them the explosive libido or impressive curves of the Latin woman; but they have other qualities that, to me, more than compensate.  Conditioned to act girly, almost childish (when they’re happy or content), Japanese girls come from a culture that strongly discourages rudeness and arrogance in women.  In short, the exact opposite of America.  Japan is unique, and its distinct culture was formed over many hundreds of years of island isolation.  Consider the following:

1.  Politeness and Humility.

Coming from a culture where the women are taught to be big-mouthed, rude, and disrespectful, the American visitor to Japan will at once be pleasantly surprised by the poise, demeanor, and courtesy of the Japanese girl.  This to me is sexually attractive.  It is nice to be treated with respect wherever you go.  Even when your approach is rejected, it is done with such exquisite politeness that you feel nothing unpleasant at all.

As I’ve gotten older, I have come to value courtesy and politeness very highly, perhaps because it is so rare in Anglo-American women.  Obnoxiousness does not equal strength, as American women believe.  Boundaries exist, and everyone knows what they are.  Japanese culture also teaches humility and self-sacrifice as positive virtues.  This ethic is extolled in countless historical dramas, soap operas, and other cultural contexts.  Japanese girls are genuinely humble and modest, for the most part; and this character trait I find very appealing.

2. Discipline and Respect.

Japanese women come from a strongly structured culture.  There are complex social rules that govern relations with family, with schoolmates, with work, and with society in general.  (In America, by contrast, the women are bound by no rules of conduct at all).  The fact that strict discipline is imposed on women means that they are trained to respect society, themselves, and men.  Most of them resent its severity, but it has its advantages.  It makes for loving girlfriends and mates.  Even a physically unattractive woman in Japan has something of real value to offer, just by virtue of her pleasant way of acting, and her ability to do basic feminine skills, usually taught to her by her mother.

3.  Poise and Behavior.

I was once lucky enough to attend a authentic kabuki play in Tokyo. (They’re expensive, and I wasn’t paying, fortunately).  In old Japan, a hallmark of beauty and feminine sexual allure was the “sideways glance” of the eyes (nagashime).  The play was able to convey this, and it highlighted an important point.  This is the fact that Japanese women can convey strong feminine energy simply with their carriage, demeanor, and body movements.  The compliant nod of a beautiful face, with glowing skin and gentle almond eyes, a singsong voice, the movement of a supple wrist, and the poise with which the beautiful girls of the Ginza carry their purses (right palm upturned) as they float lotus-like around the shopping malls of downtown Tokyo:  these are the scenes that I want to flash across my mind before I die.  You just feel better being around them.  It is not easy to describe to someone who has not lived there, but it is tangible.

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4.  Openness to Sex.

Japanese culture is surprisingly hedonistic.  Sexual puritanism is not part of the culture, bless their souls.  And appearances are deceptive.  The innocent-looking “OL” (office lady) with her perfect uniform, or the stone-faced department store elevator-operator girl, may appear to be angelic and conservative.  But the girls are very approachable, provided you are polite, and behind closed doors can often be sexual tigresses.  I have found that many Japanese girls tend to be much more “kinky” (open to unusual sexual practices) than girls of other nations.  I have my own theories about why this is, but space here does not permit a digression on it.

How to Behave in Japan

The bare bones of your code of conduct should be an awareness of the following:

1.  Show deference and respect for the Japanese and their culture, but don’t try to be too much like them.

You will enjoy some built-in status as an honored foreigner (provided you are a gentleman), and it is a mistake to forfeit this special status by going native too much.  Remember, it is not what you do, but how you do it.  Ethics are situational here.  You would be surprised what you can get away with, provided you are a gentleman.  Many girls want their “foreigner experience” notch, and it would be ungentlemanly not to give it to them.  Know your audience.  Never disrespect any Japanese man.  Remember the women are the way they are because of the men.  I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to be polite to everyone and make everyone “feel good”.  If you can do this, opportunities will present themselves.

2.  Be well dressed and groomed.

Always.  It shows humility and respect.  A haggard, greasy, backpacker appearance will not score you points.  You could wear a suit around Tokyo at any time and still look normal.

3.  Hold your alcohol.

Drinking is part of the culture in Japan and Korea.  If you’re going out with groups people from work or whatever, you should be able to drink a bit and hold your own.  No undisciplined, sloppy, amateurish scenes.  People will take note.  Being accepted by the group will lead to other opportunities.  Be able to sing at least one karaoke song if you’re there on business.

4.  Basic language understanding.

The Pimsleur series (all levels) on spoken Japanese is enough for a short stay.  I wouldn’t mess seriously with the written language unless you’re going to be there long-term, but memorizing hiragana and katagana is probably worth it for a short stay.

Miscellaneous Tips

1.  Get a cell phone.

It’s a must if you plan to run game.  You can rent them at the airport if you’re there for a short time, or buy a pay-as-you-go plan if there for a long duration.

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2.  Try to get out of Tokyo.

As much as I love Tokyo for the sweat and tears that I’ve put in there, it suffers from foreigner fatigue a bit.  Getting away from the other foreigners is key:  I prefer Osaka or Kyoto, or nearly any other city.  My experiences in the countryside were simply incredible.

3.  For me, day game was key.

The easy approachability of women at department stores, malls, and other public places means that you have no excuse not to practice.  And forget all that American-style game:  negs, sarcasm, aloof demeanor, all that.  It doesn’t translate, and will not be understood.  In fact, it comes across as rude.  Speak very slowly, with masculine intonations.  You will be judged by your conduct.  Don’t make a lot of hand movements, and be patient and respectful.  Avoid any serious topics, and keep it light and happy.  Remember: unlike in America, girls here actually listen, rather than waiting for their turn to talk about themselves or their career in shuffling papers and looking busy.

4.  Lead the interaction firmly.

In Asia, the man is still king.  Girls in Japan are still conditioned that the man should lead.  So, you will need to be guiding the interaction gracefully and firmly.  Get acquainted with the love motel locations in your area if your room logistics are not good.  Avoid physical intimacy or showy touching in public; save it for the bedroom.  Japanese girls like to be discrete and will appreciate your understanding.  Escalate physically when you are alone with her, not in public.  This isn’t Brazil.  Preserve her dignity at all times.  As I said before, ethics in Japan are situational, and you need to give your girls plausible deniability.  Your patience will be rewarded.

5.  Avoid trouble.

Lots of drunken scenes late at night.  Stay away from groups that look like trouble, and don’t stare at punks (chimpira) in entertainment districts at night.

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