Previously, I have outlined the contours of an optimal personality profile and emphasized what I consider to be the three crucial factors that determine the bulk of your dating success (looks, confidence, and determination). I have also come across Return of Kings senior game writer Troy Francis’ book How To Be An Assh*le That Beautiful Women Love and will partly relate my argument on its main idea.
The underlying concept in Francis’ book is that the so-called dark tetrad—Machiavellianism, narcissism, psychopathy and sadism—combined with positively standing out from the rest of the male crowd, is the explosive powder which is required to bed the most attractive females.
I think it is a very reasonable idea and doesn’t exclude the importance of the three factors that I mentioned. In fact it goes hand in hand in many ways, since a person’s personality profile largely underlies his looks, confidence, and determination. A little bit of sadism brings that extra dimension in the bedroom, and may be reason why hotter women stick around.
However, when it comes to long-term relationships, some of the dark elements have to be toned down at the expense of other more “beta” traits.
The importance of agreeableness, gregariousness, conscientiousness, and openness to experience
Many of us can agree that a significant degree of dark traits are required when it comes to modern dating. They will also be needed when one seeks after a more traditional woman. The Machiavellian man knows how to display the sides that are in his favor, and a confident male who looks good and has ambition is a near-universal appeal for the opposite sex.
But within the frames of long-term relationship—perhaps even a mini-relationship—with a fairly healthy woman, other sides are needed as well. Sure, you should continue to possess frame, ambition, good looks, and cunning, but a relationship is more than mental games and wild sex. It is about interpersonal intimacy, having fun, and showing loyalty. For this you need the four personality traits of agreeableness, conscientiousness, gregariousness and openness to experience, of which the two first-mentioned are almost the complete opposites of the dark tetrad.
In order to connect with another human being, you need to be warm and kind, and even gregarious (a facet of extroversion). To some extent your partner is your friend, and you could do things that you and your best male friend could do together, such as meeting your respective family, friends, having dinners, and traveling. That is rather obvious and should come as no surprise to anyone who has been in a LTR and observed many others throughout life.
Also consider the conscientious aspects, such as being reliable, having your finances in order, and showcasing sound moral behavior. These are all positive features. It is not more complicated than the fact that you need some of these things to have a normal life between those more delicate moments of passionate sex, joyful leisure activities, and unforgettable trips to various places around the world.
The latter is also also linked to openness and experience. You don’t have to manifest your intellectual prowess to your girlfriend, if that was not a reason why you ended up together in the first place, but be open for some fresh ideas every now and then. You are still you, with a unique essence, but some new elements can be positive for both you and your partner. They can be both sexual and non-sexual.
Often it is as easy as you suggesting a place where you want to go, or something that you want to do, and then you do that together. To convey such a message to your partner and convince her about your suggestion being the most optimal is not difficult for a man of some value. Be a leader, while simultaneously being somewhat open for compromises and your partner’s wishes. Females love urbane men who know their way around, and the men love themselves for it.
The dark tetrad, to a proper degree, is a powerful tool that a man may use in order to attract women in general and attractive such in particular. However, within a long-term relationship, brighter dimensions are needed to counter the dark traits and create a fruitful balance within the kaleidoscope which makes up most modern relationships. This is because human nature as such is quite complex and variegated.