Soft game is a term used to describe a very mild type of game married men can play to stay loose and comfortable in the presence of women. It’s a non-escalating, friendly rapport that is developed over the course of minutes to hours, depending on the situation, allowing men to elevate themselves and increase their perceived value during a conversation.

Married men often find themselves in social situations where soft game can help them, whether it’s during a couple’s dinner, a house or office party, or even in the field while shopping or at a park. A common scenario happens when a married man gets approached by an attractive female because he’s alone with a baby or a dog. This has happened to me and my married friends many times.

Don’t be this guy

Soft game isn’t about approaches, number collecting, dates, escalating, and notches—its essence is about being friendly, communicating, and building rapport with women. Why is this important? Because too many married men will often stray off-course in one of two different directions: either too much game, which can hurt their marriage, or not enough interaction due to shyness, fear, or whatever is stopping them from acting “normal,” which makes them appear awkward or weird.

Too much game is a mistake newly-married men make when they haven’t yet fully accepted the fact that they have committed to one woman for life. Too little game is what happens to betas and men who have been beaten down for too long by alpha wives.

You’re Married. Don’t Approach.

How Is Soft Game Different Than Simply Talking?

Soft game is a type of harmless “flirting,” but you are the only one who knows what you are doing. It is not flirting in the traditional sense. It’s a way to talk to women that makes them more interested in you and leaves them wanting more when the interaction is over. You do it by leaving bait, not answering questions directly, and leaving the conversation early.

Depending on the situation, you would use phrases like “Where I’m from…” and “At my job…” and “When I traveled out of the country…” When prompted, you should be vague, change the subject, and get her to talk about herself, which is usually her favorite subject, anyway.

Dale Carnegie said, in How to Win Friends and Influence People:

Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.

Finally, when you feel that the conversation has good momentum, it’s time to leave. The effect on her is very similar to actual game. She becomes more engaged in the conversation, because you are more interesting. The bait you drop leaves her with questions you can answer as you choose, but vague is better, or humorous.

I know a pharmacist who tells women that he is drug dealer. This gets way better reaction than “I’m a pharmacist.” Boring. Anything but straightforward. The goal is to be different. When women do this they are called “coy.” When men do it they are enthralling and engaging. When the conversation is flowing nicely, you politely leave with a “…nice talking with you,” “see you later,” or whatever feels right to you. The point is to end it early.


As the famous saying goes:

Always leave them wanting more.

This is far better than a tit-for-tat straightforward exchange of information and facts. While productive and economical, this type of engagement will not distinguish you from anyone else or make you any more riveting than a banner scrolling beneath a newscaster. The point of soft game is to elevate yourself in her eyes.

Don’t be boring

Why Bother, If You’re Married?

Everyone wants to feel better about themselves, and soft game will help you get there. Done correctly, all you’re doing is having captivating conversations with women you are already going to be talking to. Your conversations will have something “extra” that’s indefinable to any observer, but you know that you are intentionally making yourself more engrossing and, therefore, attractive.

Your wife will probably notice this (mine did) and will likely become more attracted to you, too. This is due to a similar effect as pre-selection. With pre-selection, women are more attracted to you because a taken man is more valuable. With soft game, your wife becomes more attracted to you because she notices that other women seem to be more interested in you. You have become more valuable. She has what they want, and they can’t have you.

Nobody expects their house to burn down, but they get fire insurance, even if the house is paid off and the bank doesn’t require it. The same goes with car insurance. Prenuptial agreements are just a fancy way of saying divorce insurance. Similarly, soft game keeps you ready in the event that your good marriage turns bad or, God forbid, you become a widower. After an appropriate period, you’ll be back in the game for real, and your soft game can easily be escalated into real game.

Additionally, by then you’ll have established a huge network of friends on Facebook, LinkedIn, or whatever social media you use (I don’t belong to any, but I have been asked hundreds of times for my info). These women already find you interesting and valuable due to pre-selection. In no time at all you’ll be back, because you were never completely out.

Soft game has been an integral part of my life for many years, and it can be a part of your life, too. My wife loves it when women half my age ask for my Facebook or eyeball me from across the room. Trust me, it’s not my looks. The “rules” are simple: drop bait, be vague, change the subject, talk about her, and end it early.

With practice, you will gain self esteem and confidence if you don’t already have enough. You will have much more interesting conversations with women that you are already talking to anyway. Your perceived value will increase, making you more attractive. You will feel better, which will permeate throughout other areas of your life. Lastly, in the unlikely event that you find yourself single, you will have the confidence to effortlessly transition into your new life whenever you are ready.

Read Next: Don’t Stop Running Game In Long-Term Relationships


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