The feminization of our era brings with it some annoying concepts. Out of which, one that we are so used to and almost always annoyed by is the passive aggressive behavior (PA for short). Here it is defined:
…a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior. It is where you are angry with someone but do not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when you feel upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed you may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behavior, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall.
I, as a man, would like nothing more than to have people telling me what they want and if they have a problem with me. I may solve it, or mitigate it or even choose to ignore it. I get somewhat annoyed when I get the regular “Everything’s fine” with a tone that makes sure that you understand that it is not.
Another classic is “[Stab you in the back] but don’t be offended”. As we know, females use mostly covert communications. Here are a few examples of passive aggressive behavior…
1. By proxy (using other people)
PA persons (mostly females, but a growing number of males as well) will use other people to disrespect you. The PA person will talk to your friends and colleges and bad-mouth you in an indirect way or direct way (less sophisticated but with more intense feelings). This may also include blatant lies and “divide and conquer” tactics. The goal is to get people around you to like you less or convey the message that this person does not communicate to you.
2. By using the “Don’t get upset, but…”
Whenever you hear this it means that someone is trying to set you up. If you do get upset, they win – you were told not to get upset and could not behave as a grown man. If you don’t get upset, they also win – they were able to “soften the blow” and tell you something that you probably did not like and “get away with it”.
This includes a lot of specific behaviors such as ignoring you when you react, the all time classic “You should know,” and its wing man “I’m not going to tell you”.
Other favourites are “It’s not my fault that [insert whatever is the topic here]” and “Well excuse me for being [insert whatever here].” The purpose here is to “punish” or avoid the target.
4. Victimization/lashing out
This type is when someone uses a sympathy card for criticizing others. Examples include changing the subject in order to attack you, sulking in order to get attention and sympathy, refusing to see their own part in the situation (because that will make them responsible), and using the “Poor me” scenario (unlike sulking, this is directly trying to get sympathy).
Another recurring action is blaming everyone else, besides you, for the situation. SJWs use this all the time.
Here, the person will withhold behaviors or roles such as example sex, cooking and cleaning, running a bath, etc., all to reinforce an already unclear message to the other party. This goes hand in hand with evasion.
The classic scenario is your girlfriend avoiding sex but not communicating what happened. In a work setting, it may be ignoring requests, not going for lunch or coffee, and stopping recurring actions.
What to do about it
Behavior is caused by feelings. If you have identified a recurring behavior pattern, try to find out what emotions are driving it. If you can do that, you may assume control of the situation. In any case, here are some of my favourite tactics to handle passive aggressive behavior…
Identify it. Sometime it’s not that easy to identify the behavior. If it is occasional, it is not PA. If it is recurring, it is PA.
Explain it. Stand up to the PA person and tell them. Tell them how you are affected. Do not attack or judge, just tell them. Do not speak about what they are doing, but about what you are experiencing. This will take the edge off the other side, at least in some cases.
Own your part. PA is sometimes not only the other side’s fault. You may have some part in it. While you identify the situation, look into what you are doing. If you contribute to it, stop.
Control your responses. PA is feeding off you. One can “starve the beast” by not caving in and not falling back on automatic responses. By doing this, one stops the loop and reduces the PA behavior.
Set boundaries and consequences. If the aggressive behavior of others continues to affect you in a negative way, set clear boundaries around yourself. Define rules for what you will and won’t accept. Stay strong and focused and get on with your life.
Use game. If it is a girl you are dating and she turns PA on you, game her. I tease, neg, deploy amused mastery and cocky-funny humor. This reduces the edge and brings back the attraction. It does not, however, eliminate it altogether.
Disengage. If it is possible, and you come to the understanding that the PA person is doing it regularly and far too much, just remove yourself from the toxic source. If it is an LTR, move on. If it is a boss, find another job. If it is an employee, fire them. Get that toxic waste as far away from you as possible.
PA is annoying. If it is not noticed, it starts to suck the life out of you. Maintain frame and use the combination of the solutions above to combat it. It will never go away, but it can be reduced.