Naturally, a great many men are interested in casual sex. So too are a lot of girls. Why then does it seem to be such a problem for guys to get it? It is because they are failing to recognise the subtle cues that girls give out indicating that they’re keen to get frisky, and they are not acting even if they do.
It’s something of a truism that men think about sex all the time. Perhaps they do, but the reality is that women do as well. And if anything, girls can be more sex-obsessed than guys. The big difference, though, is that girls generally don’t go around telegraphing this to the world for fear of slut-shaming. A pity, really, because if they did then the players’ job would be that much easier. As it is, we need to learn to be hypersensitive to the small signs that girls give out, and be ready to act on them by escalating things to the next stage.
In my pickup career, counting from before I got into ‘formal’ game and was just going to clubs all the time hitting on girls right up until now, I’ve probably lost more girls through a failure to act than anything else.
It’s funny. Many men—myself included—get into game from a position of low self-esteem. They believe—erroneously—that the reason they have not been successful in the past is because they weren’t (physically) attractive enough to snag quality pussy. Of course, this is a mistake. In a most cases they have simply failed to deliver their value to enough girls through the medium of game to achieve optimal results. And in a majority of cases it is because they have not escalated when the opportunity presented itself.
It’s less to do with whether you were a hot enough guy for her, in other words, and more to do with whether you had the balls to pull the trigger when the time was right.
I recently enjoyed a same-day lay with a cute 22 year-old Korean girl who I met in a grocery store. OK, more a second-day lay I suppose. I met her on Thursday, we banged on the Friday, during our first ‘date’.
I pulled her through some pretty rudimentary day game. London’s been experiencing a heatwave recently. I was buying some sweet potatoes when I saw this cute, slender chick breeze past in hotpants and a vest. She paused in front of a display of batteries and spent ages staring at them.
‘You look like you’re choosing a special gift,’ I said, sidling up beside her.
She pointed at a battery in her basket, as though answering a question I’d posed.
‘Look, I think you’re cute. I’m busy now with friends but another time I’d like to take you for a drink.’
‘Oh. Right. I thought you just ask me about battery.’
I handed her my phone and told her to put in my number. As she did so, I asked where she was from.
‘Well, at least it’s not North Korea,’ I said. She laughed and we parted company.
This whole inauspicious set took only a few minutes to complete. I was unconvinced that it would lead to anything, but I messaged her on WhatsApp nevertheless and so began a volley of vaguely flirtatious banter that went on throughout the evening.
The next day was glorious again and she told me that because it was so hot she was going to go to the park again. I had no particular plans for that afternoon so I hit her back with this.
‘Cool – meet me there for ice creams.’
‘Sounds great,’ she said, with a flourish of incomprehensible emojis.
We met by an ice cream van at the park. I bought two cones and then took her over to a nice position on the grass overlooking the main playing field, where there was a game of rounders going on.
Her English wasn’t brilliant (and of course my Korean is non-existent) so the conversation was slightly stilted. I pressed on, though, trying to spike things up where I could by dropping in sexy remarks with some cheeky kino here and there—we played thumb wars, an old-school kino technique and personal favourite of mine. In the main though the chat was limited to pretty boring chode stuff about why she was in London, where she lived in Korea and so on.
Following thumb wars I leaned in to kiss her. The first time she turned her head. The second time and we were making out happily.
After we’d finished our ice creams I took her for a walk over to the pond to show her the ducks. Then we walked over the grass for a while, chatting innocuously before stopping to watch some people practicing tightrope walking (there’s a nice metaphor there somewhere). Then I walked her out of the park and in the direction of my nearby apartment.
‘I haven’t been this way before,’ she said, looking around.
‘I just wanted to show you where I live,’ I said.
We got back to my place. I poured her a drink (some lemon-flavoured Malibu my ex left) and we found some funky house tunes on YouTube. A few minutes later and we were both naked, and I enjoyed her exquisitely-proportioned body.
How Did This Happen?
Clearly I had happened upon what many London day gamers call a ‘yes’ girl—that is, a girl who just happened to like me and was up for sex. Nevertheless, as I said on Twitter recently, it’s actually pretty easy to mess things up even with a girl who is into you if you don’t take the correct steps. I have done so many times before.
So what did I do right? Well, first of all I approached her in the first place. Had I not spoken to her at the battery stand then none of this would have happened. To be honest I was 50/50 about doing it, so it’s good that I did.
Second, I followed up even though I was uncertain that the outcome would be positive. Whenever you get a number or Facebook details or whatever you really must follow up. It only takes a few seconds and you never know what will come of it.
Third, I was flexible. Generally speaking I don’t like daytime dates, and I have a pretty strict dating model where I always take the girl to a lounge in the evening and buy her a couple of cocktails before whisking her home. But in this case I calculated that the park would be a good bet. For a start she was sure to be not wearing much given the heat. And also the location was ideal—right next to my apartment. I had already mentally mapped out the possible sequence of events before we’d met up.
Fourth, I got the sense through her compliance that she might be up for sex and so I went with it and escalated. If you read through my account of the afternoon again you will see that I led the whole thing, and the fact that she was willing to be led told its own story.
Also of course, we had made out, which made tangible to me her attraction. Some guys say not to do this—not to make out in public before the sex since it can break the tension. They have a point. For me, though, it a useful barometer for establishing whether or not something is ‘on’.
Fifth, I led her back to my apartment without asking her permission first. This might not seem like much but it’s actually huge. Working on the hunch that the date could develop into a fast lay I proceeded to escalate.
Again, you’ve got to be flexible in these situations. Actually, I had plans to meet friends later in the evening that I didn’t want to cancel. In the past I might have suggested to the girl that we take a rain check and meet up again at the weekend. Bad mistake. Whenever I’ve done that in the past I’ve never seen the girl again.
It’s also a colossal mistake to think that you have to wait for the ‘right’ time for sex, e.g. at night after you’ve been out for drinks. Sounds stupid, perhaps, but many years ago as an AFC I was dating this cute blonde girl. We used to spend many hours on a Saturday walking around the shops in Manchester together. Why the hell did I never bring her back to my apartment?! I still kick myself over that to this day. It wasn’t like we didn’t have the time to have sex, it was just that I was too much of a pussy, or too concerned with doing things ‘the right way’ to pull the trigger.
If anything afternoon sex is hotter than nighttime sex. Also, girls tend to have their evenings booked up in advance. In the case of the Korean girl she had plans for Friday and Saturday nights, and probably into the following week as well. So you need to strike when the opportunity is there.
Finally, I fully believed that same day sex with this girl was not only possible, but likely. Actually, if I showed you her Facebook photos you’d likely think she was a ‘good girl’—young, studious, sensible, conservative etc. There’s even some of her in traditional Korean dress. Fortunately I’ve been out with enough Asian girls to know that beneath the cute exterior they can be pretty wild.
In the case of the blonde girl from Manchester, the main reason that I didn’t go for a daytime bang was because I naively thought that she wouldn’t go for it, that girls didn’t do that sort of thing. How wrong I was.
It’s been said before in many different ways, but it’s well worth repeating—it’s much better going into every situation assuming that she’s a sex crazed nymphomaniac than not. Even if you’re wrong it will encourage you to escalate. And you may well be right.