I can be considered a game newbie, as I discovered Roosh and Bang a year ago. I used to think that creating attraction from scratch in any setting was something that couldn’t be done. The cold approach was not even on my radar, and the only times I thought you would “get” a girl would be in an environment where it was “expected” to, like at parties, concerts, and social events where alcohol and drugs were flowing.

We all go through periods of experimentation—especially when starting out. Roosh said in his book that he would try anything to get a good conversation going with women, even drawing stick figures on napkins. I too have tried many methods to get the bang. It’s incredibly fun. The ones that work, I analyze and elaborate on for future success. If what I try doesn’t work, then I reframe and try again. If it still fails, I totally scrap it.

Some would think that the following methods are too outrageous to work, but I have used other equally or more outrageous methods that have worked. These ones have failed. So without further ado, here are some of the most ineffective game techniques that will not work..

Retarded Game

I have to admit, this one was a little tedious, and I had to compose myself and practice in front of a mirror a few times before hitting the streets. At first I just looked like I normally did, with modifications to my appearance in the form of headgear or protective clothing coming later. I would put on the best act of autism that I could. Exaggerating yourself to act like a dope is pretty easy, and I gotta say, it did show promise at times. I want to share an anecdote that perfectly encapsulates my experience with this.

I went with a friend to shop for shoes with him posing as my guardian. I was pretending to look for shoes that would be easy for someone of my “mental capacity” to put on securely. This particular shoe store was stacked to the brim with hotties working there who were in their teens and early 20s.

I laid my trap. I went to a display shelf and knocked it over, all the while letting out a loud “DUH HUH” and sent it crashing to the floor. One of the employees came over and helped me up. It was on. She was very sympathetic, and after a few words to her, she knew I was a dummy. My guardian came over and explained the situation and she offered to help.

We searched for shoes, all the while keeping her talking to mostly me. She laughed at my jokes and dopey ticks as I tried to maintain the retard frame while steering the conversation to where I desired it to go. Touching her was not a problem, as she thought I was “cute” for being the kind of person the ancient Spartans would throw off a cliff. At the end of it all, I asked her for the number, and she responded with, “Awwww you’re the cutest thing! But I have a boyfriend. I would totally go out with you if I wasn’t taken!” She said this in the nicest voice ever.

I learned that this wouldn’t work because no girl would ever sleep with someone who they think is lower than them. And anyone who rides the short bus is pretty close to the bottom of the sexual food chain.

One more thing I tried after reframing was pretending to be a retard-wrangler who drove a short bus. Long story short, that didn’t work because nearly all the girls would get disgusted by me trying to use handicapped kids to get laid. C’est la vie I guess.

Funeral Game

p-p-p-please h-h-h-have s-s-s-sex w-w-w-with muh-muh-me?

Pretending that one of your family members died yesterday doesn’t give off good vibes. Conversation threads never escalated beyond initial pseudo-flirtatious banter, as my state of grief was too heavy to get her excited in any way. The girls were usually sympathetic, and that was the biggest problem. Sympathy is an attraction killer, and appearing vulnerable only makes her see you as a lost dog who needs to lick his wounds by himself—without her.

Homosexual Game

This guy might be able to pull it off (phrasing!)

This one is just pretending to be gay to make the girl feel comfortable being around you and then admitting you lied later on. No, I would never suck a cock to convince her of my act. All it took was a wardrobe adjustment, and a higher lispy voice. Breaking the touch barrier was easy-peasy, and she felt extremely comfortable talking about everything and anything—including sex.

This one is a bit of a time waster though, because you have to listen to the girl talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. No wonder why girls hate each other so much! After I thought I was in a good position, I either lied about being a fudge packer, or most commonly, said I was bisexual (side note: no such thing as bi. If you like cock, you’re a homosexual) and tried to get the bang from there. It never worked. They were either horrified at my level of manipulation and ran away, or they promptly refused and suggested we stay BFFs.

I would strongly advise against doing this though. It goes against everything about being masculine and alpha. As degenerate as the gays are, they do attract a lot of female friends.

Disease Game

“It’s not contagious!”

This one was a bit morbid I will admit, but it was worth a shot since pity-sex is a real thing. Remember the movie 50/50? In it, the protagonist gets cancer and manages to get laid because of it. This one required no extra adjustments other than a frame reset. There is a technique to all this, as you need to ease the conversation in the direction where she either picks up that you have cancer, or you can safely tell her without it sounding weird. You don’t just go “Hi, nice to meet you I HAVE CANCER AND GONNA DIE NEXT WEEK LET’S FUCK.”

To be honest, I thought this would at least get me a few bangs, but the girls weren’t having it. The emotions conveyed by a guy who is about to die are not conducive to the wetting of panties. I wouldn’t say this is completely off the table yet, but if anyone has found a way to make it work, let me know.

Dead Lover Game

Feels bad man

The fact of the matter is that this had the same effect as Disease Game did. Not only were the girls not interested in someone who just lost their soulmate, they we’re very off put by the prospect of being in the same house as someone who just recently died. There is no easy way to bring up death into the conversation. Worst case scenario, she suspects you had something to do with your “lover’s” death. Best case scenario, she smiles, gives you a hug, and gives you her best wishes for recovering.

On the contrary though, a girl who had someone close to her die is ripe for the picking and bedding.

Conclusion

This might sound all fake, but the truth is that I have tried many things to get her to the bedroom. When you no longer have that crippling primal fear that would stop you from approaching, the feeling of liberation unleashes a beast that cannot be contained.

Learn to have fun once in a while. See every girl as an object that can be goaded into sex, and you will have no qualms trying ridiculous shit. Learning game and turning on different switches is extremely fun. Even if this amount of fibbing is not your cup of tea, you will learn how to think on your feet and sharpen your wits. There are billions of girls out there, and it would be a crime to stick to only one way and not be creative once in a while.

Read More: 4 Strategies For Teaching Game To Autistic Men