The clarion call for would-be player and pick up artists is a familiar one— ‘approach, approach, approach!’ This is all very well in theory and it sounds good, but what about those situations that are particularly socially awkward? Say a girl is surrounded by other guys at the club. Or say you spot her on a busy subway carriage. Or maybe she is out shopping with her mother. In such situations even the most committed poon pirate is liable to take a step back, doubting his ability to stride forward confidently and do what needs to be done. So what factors should you consider when this happens and what are the best steps for you to take?


Firstly, it’s very important to calculate the solution to this very simple equation—to what factor does the girl’s hotness outweigh any potentially negative social consequences? If the girl is really hot, then yes of course you must go for it. If she’s somewhat homely, though, and the social conditions really do conspire against you, then you might decide that an approach is really not worth the effort.

I think this is fair. Apart from as practice on a ‘bootcamp’ or something like that, I wouldn’t expect anyone in their right mind to walk into a group of scowling motorcycle thugs at the bar just to have a shot at their less-than-stellar younger sister. Why would you bother?

That being said, you must also man up and be honest with yourself. If you are a little intimidated by the approach then your evaluation of the girl is likely to be somewhat coloured by this. ‘She’s not that hot really. Why approach her? There’s sure to be better in the next bar.’

If you follow this line of reasoning then all you will do is disqualify yourself. If she is bangable—that is, if she was sitting on your bed naked then you would have sex with her—then you should be true to yourself and make a move.

The other problem with evaluation is paradoxical in that the hotter she is, the less likely you may be inclined to approach her anyway, regardless of the social situation. So if you see a 9.5 blonde surrounded by buff guys in tuxedos at a swish celebrity party, even though you are extremely attracted to her you are likely to bottle it unless you have mentally prepared and fortified yourself first.


One way around this problem is evasion. By circumventing the problem you will still approach but you will wait until a more convenient moment, perhaps when the girl goes to the bathroom, leaves her friends, goes for a cigarette or whatever.

Again, the key here is really self-honesty. Only you will know if you are pussying out (which you shouldn’t be) or simply awaiting a more optimal window to deliver your game.

There’s no shame in waiting for a good moment. I’ve done it many times and it’s worked. There are drawbacks though. One is that you don’t know if that good moment will ever arise. Perhaps she will stand talking to her friends for an hour and then they’ll all leave together, in which case your opportunity will be gone for good. The other drawback is that the longer you wait to speak to her the bigger a deal you will make it in your mind until in the end you may find yourself to intimidated to actually do it anyway.


Go for it

The third option is simply to say to hell with the consequences and go for the approach anyway. While you should always use your common sense and weigh up risk versus potential reward, nevertheless, it behooves all of us to embrace the red pill mindset and go for what we want without apology. In order to do this, though, you’re going to have to get your mindset sorted first. To do that you will have to drill down into what it is specifically about approaching in front of others that really scares you and confront it head on.

The most important thing you must keep in mind, and which has really helped me get over my own approach anxiety, is simply that there is no such thing as consensus. Let’s face it, whenever you do anything in front of a group of people your greatest fear is rejection. Of course, this goes back to primordial concerns about the potentially life-threatening consequences of being pushed out by the tribe. 

Realise this, though: ‘the tribe’ existed a long, long time ago in a much simpler era. These days there is no tribe, or, more accurately, there are a myriad of tribes, each with competing concerns, ideologies and desires. For that reason any group of people you come upon will be radically different to one another and will think different things from each other. So, when you approach that cute girl in front a bunch of guys, they will have a variety of very different reactions.

Some simply won’t care. Others, yes, may be white knights, simmering and incensed at your temerity. But others still will be would-be players who are secretly impressed. So the idea that really frightens you—that this whole mass of people will turn against you just for approaching, is inaccurate

The second thing to understand is that even if people do object in some way to your having approached, the likelihood of them doing anything or saying anything is exceptionally small. Most people have their own ‘approach anxiety’ and don’t like to draw attention to themselves by getting involved in any public situation they don’t have to.

That being the case, all you’re really going to get is perhaps  few people joking under their breath. But the majority aren’t going to step in and mess up your interaction.

To further guard against this you should to create a bubble between you and the girl when you approach. The way you do this is actually pretty simple. When you walk up to her, imagine that you have tunnel vision so all that you can see if her, and it is only you and her in the vicinity, and in the whole universe. Ruthlessly shut out or disregard anything to the contrary. Outside distractions are irrelevant. All that’s important is you and her.

Be disciplined. Don’t let anything else interfere. Walk up to her and talk. You deserve your moment with her and you will have it if you reach out and take it. Trust me, the very fact that you have had the courage to approach like that will improve her perception of you exponentially.

If it doesn’t work, if she rejects you, what then? It really doesn’t matter. No one will say anything, you will move away and soon you will no longer be there at all, and those people who observed you will be nothing more than a memory. You will never know what they really thought and it won’t matter anyway, since you will never see them again. But you could be a reasonable amount of money that more than one them will have been secretly impressed by your chutzpah and courage.

Want to find out more about how to get great at game? Check out Troy’s book The 7 Laws of Seduction and follow him on Twitter.

Read More: The One Girl You Absolutely Must Approach Every Day