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May 31st, 2013

4 Bangs In 30 Hours

By

Memorial Day Weekend in Vegas is Slut Central and this past weekend confirmed my well-known theory: If you want to rack up notches and quick, then head to Vegas, because it will not let you down. I decided to keep track of what happened this past weekend, because my trips to Vegas are generally a blast and this one was no exception.

Here’s a look at what 30hrs in Vegas can be like, if you go all out and don’t give a f**k.

Saturday 11:47PM

My buddy, his girlfriend and myself are pulled off on the side of the highway at a rest stop for semi-trucks. The trunk and all four doors are open and the only thing missing is Highway Patrol searching the car. My buddy’s girlfriend is in tears as she searches under the seats and tears through the glove box, almost ripping the compartment door off feverishly searching for her missing wallet. I roll my eyes and scan the desert. It’s ominous and dark and looks like the Wrong Turn movie people are about to come running out of the darkness to kill us. F**k this. My cock is ready for Vegas. B*tch how do you lose your wallet??

The wallet is gone and apparently, after a quick phone call, we discover that it’s sitting in a safe at the restaurant back in LA where we had previously stuffed our faces. Double f**k. I had originally planned on flying with a client by private jet, but he bailed on the weekend last minute. Dammit.

Sunday 12:32AM

I’ve just been dropped off at the Veer Towers in Vegas. The Veer towers are luxury apartments adjacent to the Aria Hotel and Casino. My buddy and his girlfriend have to return to LA immediately to retrieve her wallet with her IDs and money it in. I would have rather had my fingernails pulled out, then sit in the car for another 4 hours careening through the dark with her wails of anguish penetrating my ears like fingernails on a chalkboard. Plus, it’s Saturday night in Vegas and the party is alive and well. Problem is, no one’s picking up the phone.

I try calling my friend at the Veer towers to come down. He’s at XS nightclub already smashed and I don’t have the heart to demand he come let me into his apt. I’m a beast; I’ll figure this out. I call a girl I’ve been pipelining who I met three weeks ago in Vegas.

Me: “Where are you? I’m stranded and needed a fucking drink an hour ago”

Her: “I’m at RedRock”

Me: “RedRock? What the hell you doing out there?” (RedRock is a Hotel/Casino about 30 minutes from the Strip)

Her: “I’m drunk, come here”

Me: “Fuck..that’s full of white-trash and it’s a $60 cab ride”

Her: “I’m horny and need to fuck”

Me: “See you in 25 minutes”

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Sunday 1:38AM

After waiting in a cab line at Aria for almost 30 minutes, I take a cab to RedRock. I was on the verge of choking the cabbie out, because he thought it would be cute to take the long route. Vegas cabbies are notorious for taking advantage of perceived tourists. I flashed my ‘locals card’ and he promptly apologized and changed course.

I arrive at RedRock and call the Pipelined Slut.

Me: “Here in the lobby, where you at?”

Her: “By the food court”

I walk over to the food court. No Pipelined Slut.

Me: “Um I’m standing here and I don’t see your ass…”

Her: “OMG!!! I’m so sorry I’m at Fill in the blank shitty hotel in North Las Vegas”

Me: “I’m going to choke you out. Is this a joke??”

Her: “I’m sorry!!! Just come here…”

Me: “No. Where do you live? I’ll meet you there”

Her: “Blah Blah address”

Me: “Better be there or I’m going to blacklist your ass from every club in Vegas and La for you being a time-wasting bitch”

Sunday 2:12AM

$47 more and I step out of the cab ready to choke someone out once again. Not a good start to this weekend. I need a drink and some fresh pussy and in that order. She’s standing outside of her apartment looking better than I remember. I had met her weeks prior, but it was a quick number close and then moving on. She’s petite, maybe 100lbs, with big brown eyes and a sexy smile. A solid 8. The best part is: she’s drunk and horny. I pour a drink of her cheap vodka straight with a couple ice cubes. Down it goes. Two more and I’m feeling a tad better.

Quick to work: take her shirt off and boom her knees hit the floor choking on my cock while staring up at me with her big brown slut eyes.

Me: Ahhh…guess the cab rides weren’t too bad…

I go to town pounding her pussy with the frustration of being in a car and cabs for far too many hours. She took it like a champ and seemingly enjoyed the cum I sprayed like the Bellagio Fountains all over her face. I put her into her bed and tucked her in. I know that sounds weird, but girls enjoy being tucked into bed; at least the non-feminist women do. The man-hating women who generally do not enjoy Vegas, because they are fat and wear sandals are perfect for staying at Circus Circus, where the Parking Lot Pimps would love to ‘pick-up’ a chick pushing 250lbs with a face like an old used Goodyear Tire left out in the sun for 3 years.

First one down, now for another one…During the cab rides I was multi-tasking and texting with ANOTHER Pipelined Girl, a very cute Rhianna look-a-like cocktail waitress I had not banged yet. She knew I was coming in town and was eager to ‘hang-out’. Sure sweetie you just want to ‘hang out’ at 3am. Slam-dunk.

Sunday 4:07AM

I text Pipelined Girl #2 the address of Pipelined Girl #1 and she came to get me. Girl #1 was sleeping peacefully as I gathered my luggage and slipped out of her apartment. I was tired but the scent of fresh pussy woke me up like coffee to a busy office worker. Game Time.

Sunday 5:17AM

Pipelined Girl #2 had a rocking body with a perfect bubble ass that she knew how to work and for you ranking types also a 8, maybe even a 8.5. I wasted no time in banging her and being done. When I’m in Vegas I’m not going for performance; it’s solely get my pleasure and keep moving. I was in and out of her 22 years old pussy in 24 minutes. I needed to be at Wet Republic at 11:30AM to host so getting a lot of sleep wasn’t going to happen but I was going to try.

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Sunday 11:15AM

MGM Hotel, Wet Republic entrance. Five of my LA girls are waiting in the lobby ready to rock and roll a Vegas Pool Party. One tall gorgeous blonde, one very cute asian with fake tits, a cute petite persian girl, one smoking hot latina girl, and one white girl with massive tits that were causing men to walk into each other staring. Lets gooo!

I walk past the PACKS of people trying to get into Wet Republic for Calvin Harris, motion one of my buddies and magically VIP Wristbands appear.

Sunday 11:17AM

We’re in. Nothing like walking past literally hundreds of people with 5 pretty girls in tow all linked up holding hands. Have fun suckers. To get in now, it’s AT LEAST $100 per person cover and we didn’t pay.

The crowd is popping off and it’s time to get my drink on. I meet my two table clients, who are young investment banker types ready to get smashed and make memories. We post up at their table and the fun starts.

Sunday 3:16PM

I’m smashed. One of my clients is walking around with an Ace of Spades bottle pouring it in girls’ mouths. I can’t see straight. Is he holding one or 2 bottles? Damn I need water.

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Sunday 4:40PM

I have no clue where I am. I’m in a town car I believe, with a group of people I’ve never met, but beside me appears to be an attractive blonde jabbering about politics. Wait, did she just say she lives in DC? She did. Oh fuck.

We get up to her room and there’s an after-party going on. I take her in the bathroom to get busy. Her shirt comes off and her cute perky tits stare at me as though they are watching me.

Plop. FUCK. I just dropped my iPhone in the toilet.

Apparently the DC Curse is real.

Fucking was the last thing on my mind. My JOB depends on my phone being on. I grab my phone and bounce.

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Sunday 7:33PM

Where the fuck am I?

I’m so drunk I literally have no idea where I am. I need to piss bad and I spot a bathroom door. Quick, unzip and piss. Ahhhhh so much better! Wait, is that Security running up to me??

Security: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m taking a piss, what’s the problem?”

Security: “In the lobby?!”

Me: “Whatt?!”

Security: “Sir, you just pissed in a potted plant in the lobby of XYZ Hotel.”

Me: “Oh.”

Security: “Step outside with us.”

Sunday 8:03PM

After 30 minutes of threats to be arrested for Public Nudity etc, I’m let go. I can be the most humble, kiss-ass known to man-kind when it comes to Law Enforcement and I went all out apologizing and telling them I had a bladder problem where I had to urinate and couldn’t hold it in. Kind of like Narcolepsy, but for my bladder. They bought it.

Sunday 8:37PM

I’m in the elevator of XYZ place headed up to my room, when the doors open and lo and behold Future Ms. #3 is revealed and she’s not a dime. In fact, she’s a nickel. Literally, a 5 at best. I hang my head in shame at the thought that I banged this 52 year old woman, but yet I’m committed to telling you readers the truth, even when it’s ugly.

This woman was from Texas and has a serious accent. She was maybe 30lbs overweight but she looked like she stepped out of the late 80′s. I put my arm around her neck, as I was in full cave-man zone, and proceeded to tell her to ‘Take a walk with me honey’. She obliged happily putting her flabby arm with her pudgy hands around my waist. I didn’t have the heart to insult my bed with her presence so I did the only thing proper to do in this situation and to such a lovely woman: I fucked her in the stairwell.

She tried to kiss me and I pushed her face away like a running back on the 30 yard line sprinting for the end zone. I pulled her pants down, bent her over and went to town.

I still don’t know why I banged this woman, the only thing I can think of is that she was in my ‘line of fire’ and when I get in the zone on a Pussy Hunt, every chick is fair game. Anyways, I made her ENTIRE life and she thanked me with tears in her eyes. I felt good because I had done my public service for the year. Moving on.

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Sunday 10:15PM

I’m exhausted, still haven’t slept and my forehead is straining at the burden of holding my eyelids open. Sleep wasn’t an option because I had to be at Tao nightclub at 10:45pm to host my clients. Fuck. I should have slept instead of fucking that hag. Fuck public service.

I change into a suit, not even showering. Caveman Game has taken over and I don’t give a fuck in any regard. I spray some Burberry Brit all over and hope for the best. Still, the scent of the hag lingers.

Sunday 10:47PM

Where the fuck are my clients?? Scan the lobby, my eyes bouncing around landing on every cute chick with a tight ass and the sense to wear cute shoes. My standards are sky high now because I’m at 3 girls in less than 24 hours, the last one was a shame and now I want a dime or forget it.

“Hey Mr. Vegas!” I turn around and one of my clients grabs me in a bear hug and lifts me up. The bastard is 6’8″ and I want to rip his testicles off and toss them down the Venetian escalators for picking me up like that.

Sunday 10:56PM

We’re in and seated at our table. It’s a prime table because they had the sense to bribe the fuck out of me and in turn I made sure they got a great table. See how that works?

Monday 1:49AM

Kaskade is spinning and the joint is hopping with 90% of the crowd probably on drugs. I stay clean and instead sipped on a Vodka Tonic while looking for my next conquest. I had already pulled the “let’s have a smoke” move on 3 different girls and moved them to the balcony. 3 cigs and 3 makeouts later and I still was not going to settle. The girls were very cute but I needed to redeem myself and offer a dime’s pussy to my cock in penance for what I had done.

Bottles are flowing, my clients are happy and I’m still looking…

Monday 3:58AM

There she was. Walking up with a smile on her face was a legit 10. Tall, blonde, with a nice tan. Tits looked around a 34C and that ass….wow that ass…not far off from Jessica Biel’s ass. She was walking by our table with a friend of hers, a very cute, tall brunette. It is on. I motioned for my client to look. I reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled her in close.

Me: “What’s your name?”

Her: “Blah Blah”

Me: “Sit down and drink with me. Alcoholics are lonely.”

Her: “Okay” (smiles)

All I know is that my act of public service by fucking the 52 yo woman was being repayed with the up–most in Karma. The dime now sitting on my lap was such a slam dunk I started to wonder if she was an escort…time to test her.

Me: “Where you staying?”

Her: “Luxor”

Me: “I’m sorry. Are you poor?”

Her: (laughing, hits my arm) “No! I’m an accountant”

Me: “Wow, your life sucks. Luxor and an accountant.”

Her: “I’m actually a lot of FUN!”

Me: “Prove it. Let’s go to your room.”

Her: “Fine.”

Me: Nope. Not an escort. Thank you God.

Oops, what’s that in my throat coming up?!! I excuse myself and bolt for the bathroom, but not making it in time duck into the cock-tail waitresses station, throwing up into the garbage can. One of the cocktail waitresses and ‘friend’ of mine rubbed my back and laughed. Go to hell sweetheart, I’ve been drinking since Saturday night and it’s Monday morning!

Whew, much better. I feel sober actually and it only took throwing up 9 times. I head to the bathroom, gargle, grind up some mints like a crackhead on 6th and Los Angeles, spray some cologne and head back to the table. The dime is still a dime. Guess I have good buzzed judgement. I take her by the hand and lead her out to a cab.

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Monday 5:38AM

The Pussy gods have smiled at me and blessed me with this perfect specimen of a female. Her ass was the gift that kept giving and I didn’t want to stop. Her lips are bee-stung and full. We fuck three times and each time I deposit a load somewhere strategically on her body: Ass, Tits and Face.

Time for sleep…ah nope. She wakes me up and says I have to go because somebody is coming back to the room. Fuck. Can I ever get rest??

I leave her room and pass a gentleman in the hall holding coffee and what appear to be a fresh Starbucks sandwich. He gives me a weird look and I smile and say, “Having fun in Vegas?” He mumbles something incoherent and I pause at the elevators. I see him knock on the door I just left.

Oops.

Monday 11:30AM

It starts all over again: Wet Republic for Deadmau5, followed by Hardwell at Hakkasan nightclub. I stay sober all day and pull nothing. It’s ok, my sack is empty and I have no motivation left. I left all my motivation on the dime’s face: Ms. Number 4.

Vegas, I shall return shortly to enjoy the women and fill my coffers. You’ll always be there and will never let me down. Till next time.

To celebrate the launch of my Vegas Hangover Experience trips, I’m having a contest and one lucky winner will get a FREE 2 night trip to Vegas with me, showing you how to party in Vegas. Check it out: http://vegashangoverexperience.com/

Read More: Does Bottle Service Get You Laid?


About the Author

is a best-selling author, former club owner and club VIP Host. Learn more Blog - Books - Podcast Follow him on Twitter: Twitter

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