This week I was fortunate enough to witness two day game “sets” (or interactions) in central London. While I have no idea who the men or women involved were, I saw enough to draw out some observations about what makes a great piece of day game stand out from a so-so one.
It is an interesting consequence of gaming that the more you do it, the easier it is to spot others doing it. What might to the uninitiated look like an innocent conversation between friends on the street appears to the experienced man precisely what it is—a covert bid for secret society sex.
Two Day Gamers
It’s worth me giving you a description of both sets, so you can visualise them.
The first took place on New Oxford Street, the road that becomes Oxford Street, the busiest in London. Here I saw a trim, well-dressed man in dark jeans and a black leather jacket chatting to a cute girl in a trench coat, who must have been in her early to mid-twenties. As spring slowly insinuates itself into London and the evenings are getting lighter, this set took place in the twilight, as delicate waning light bounced off the tall, white houses that line the streets there.
The second took place further up into Oxford Street. A guy with poorly-styled hair and a slight paunch, dressed in chinos, a business shirt and a North Face-type jacket was chatting to a very thin, cute girl (probably a 7.5 in make-up) who I believe was Eastern European. This was in a much busier area, in front of a row of busy clothes shops. The guy was chatting animatedly, using his hands to emphasise each point, while the girl was watching him, largely silent.
You’ve probably guessed already that the first set was significantly better than the second and you’re right. Indeed, that first couple transmitted overt sexual chemistry. It was shamelessly palpable, apparent to anyone who paused to watch them for more than a moment.
The second set was more difficult. I watched it for some time. On the one hand the guy did very well in stopping the girl and keeping the conversation going for at least ten minutes.
But on the other hand. Well, something was off. I could totally buy that that first pair would end up having sex, and probably sooner than later, with these two I just couldn’t see it. This guy was just too frumpy, too avuncular, too mediocre-looking to inspire interest in that girl.
Sure enough, my sixth sense for effective game proved to be accurate. The first man easily number-closed his keen-to-the-point-of-moist girl. The second, after what was an undeniably valiant effort, was rewarded with the classic ‘I’m-sorry-but-I-have-a-boyfriend’ speech.
Now look, I don’t want to be overly-critical. I’ve been told by more girls that they have boyfriends than there are men in London, and as I’ve always said, rejection is a central part of the game.
Nevertheless, if I were a betting man I would have put money on the first man getting his girl over the second. And you really want to be the kind of guy who at least looks like a plausible sex partner for the girl he’s approached rather than an unkempt but hopeful interloper pumped up on internet feel-good advice.
With that in mind, I’ll now outline four key elements that made the first set so impressive compared with the second.
1. Sexualise the Interaction
As I have always said, you should aim to sexualise your interactions with girls as quickly as possible. The first set telegraphed erotic intrigue from across the street. The second—not so much.
The snippets of conversation I overheard bore this out. The first guy was asking his girl about her type, indicating that their dialogue had touched on sex, however obliquely.
The second man was talking about his favourite fantasy movie. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with vibing about what interests you, but if, after ten minutes, you are still chatting about films without having engaged her on a sexual level then I’m sorry, but you are on a hiding to nothing.
The best sets are those in which a strong sexual vibe felt by both parties is rapidly established. If you don’t have that then carry on conversing for practice by all means, but don’t hold out too much hope for a conversion.
2. Have Strong Body Language
Body language is important—damned important. In the first set the guy was standing up strong, his legs wide apart, his chin raised, as though he was simultaneously sizing up the girl and about to bang her. They were very close together. He looked dominant. He looked as though he could bend her over and give her a very good seeing too at any moment. And it looked as though this were likely to happen.
The second guy was standing some way from his girl. His shoulders were hunched and he was gesticulating as though appealing to her, as though he feared that without him providing sufficient entertainment she might simply walk away.
This is a weak position and not one to emulate. Whenever you are talking to a girl you must maintain dominant posture and a strong, upright frame—at least if you want her to be attracted to you.
3. Don’t Be Nice, Be Challenging
The problem with the second guy was that everything about him screamed ‘nice’. He was wearing nice boy clothes, he was smiling too much (compared with the first guy’s arrogant smirk) and he was too keen to ingratiate himself with the girl.
In other words, he wasn’t enough of a challenge.
To the untrained eye it might have looked as though he was doing quite well. After all, the girl was hooked, but—and this is key—she was socially hooked. And without female-to-male sexual attraction (created when the man is challenging) then a polite, interesting chat is just that—a chat, which will soon be followed up by an ‘OK, well it was nice to meet you, but I have to go and have sex with some alpha dude now’-type response.
4. Look The Part
This final point is so obvious you would hardly think it requires repeating, but unfortunately it does. You really do everything you can to ensure that you look the part when you approach girls.
The simple question you should ask yourself, and you should try to answer as objectively as possible, is this: ‘Do I look like the kind of guy who could plausibly be having sex with her?’
If the answer to that question is ‘no’, then you need to take a step back and reassess your style and grooming.
Guys seriously come into this thinking that ‘game’ (in the very narrow sense of knowing how to talk to a girl) is a panacea that will get them laid no matter how they look. Perhaps they’ve watched scammy pick-up videos online, or read the sales material of unscrupulous companies promising them access to premier league pussy if they just purchase this video course or attend that seminar.
The truth, as all ROK readers should know by now, is that ‘game’ is an umbrella term for a whole host of tools, habits and techniques, some of them related to engaging girls, but more that pertain to self-improvement, both in terms of your mental state (inner game) and your appearance (body, clothes, hair, general grooming).
Too many guys still ask me what ‘line’ they should use in a particular scenario, without considering that improvements in these fundamentals would seriously impact on their results.
In summary, day game (and game in general) is about a lot more than having a pleasant chat. Whether you go indirect or direct, you need to position yourself as a plausible sexual partner, a man who is dominant, sexy and not afraid to go for what he wants. A sexual threat, in other words. Without doing so you will likely enjoy a lot of polite conversations and brush-offs, but little actual sex.