My last article made some noise over at Roosh’s and ROK (with this as the original reference). So I thought, with one of the comments on Roosh’s site encouraging me, that another piece would be a good idea. So, let’s get started with more tips on raising your daughter…
1. Develop Critical Thinking
If you didn’t know it by now, kids are impressionable. Actually, adults are also impressionable and girls are probably the most. This is why game works. We all know that females are herd creatures. So how can one help “save” his daughter from becoming part of the herd?
By adopting critical thinking and embracing praxeology.
When I teach my daughters something about the nature of the world, I sometime tell them the following line: “Look and see if it is true by yourself”.
My favorite example – Debunking “female superiority.” Take this show for example – K.C. Undercover
Yes, a female genius that is also athletic and can play basketball. Oh, and she is 16. Her brother is a nerd, and her parents don’t acknowledge him. Not to mention that they are blacks (and white folks are usually evil). So with all that BS on screen, what can a father do?
Use critical thinking.
“Girls, do you think that a 16 year old can actually be that good in everything?” They tend to agree with me. “She is good at playing basketball on the show” they tell me. I’ve been waiting for that. “I use to play division 1 in high school, and was also pro, for some time. I was a straight-A student also. Do you think I would have time to be an undercover spy?”
They get the point.
Use this tactic as often as possible, and you got yourself a critical thinker in the family. This means that she will not follow the herd that easily and will stick to what she knows. Hopefully, if you have been there and done the right thing, it will be traditional views on gender relations and your view of how the world works.
Which brings me to the almost “opposite”…
2. Encourage traditional gender roles
“Dad, it looks like guys have all the fun” You may sometime hear them say. This is where you need to make your frame their frame. Otherwise you might get a critical thinker who believes that being a tomboy is better than being a girl. Next step may be feminism.
This is where you work on their femininity, give meaning and show.
“Do you like being injured?” I ask. “No!” they are appalled, “Dad, why do you want us to get injured?” “I didn’t say that. I asked if you like being injured. You know that boys get injured more than girls. Also boys go to wars to defend us. Do you want to go to war?”
With this dialog one can see how you make being masculine, for a girl, less appealing.
Make sure to be there and show them the actual hardship of being a man. This is where feminists lack – they envy our rewards but don’t want to share the burden. Also remember to encourage the female experience.
3. Make them feel comfortable with their bodies
I know I just lost some of you, but hear me out.
We want to watch their weight, and it is increasingly hard with snacks and puberty. We also want them to have a healthy body image – a chaste one, yet one that feels comfortable in her own skin.
I suggest the following:
Use fewer negative phrases – shaming works, but home is where we need to feel safe. So if she says she feels fat, or is fat, either agree & amplify to make her laugh or look her in the eye and say that looks matter. I have seen fathers tell their daughter that “Yes you are fat” or deny it. That is a beta response. We need a “sympathetic yet constructive” one.
Tell her that “I understand you have strong feelings about it. What do you think we can do about it?” Then discuss with her what to do, and guide her to more vegetables, more drinking of water and less eating.
Hug them – I have read that fathers are afraid to be around their stepdaughters. Funny as that article was, I noticed that as girls mature, the fathers seem to take more space from them.
Don’t do that. At least do not avoid contact all together.
You are still the father, and she is still your daughter. It is acceptable that she needs less physical contact from you, but she still needs it. Hug them, let them kiss you (on the cheek). By avoiding contact, you are depriving her of a need.
On the other hand, don’t force it. Being masculine means understanding the fickle nature of females. Forcing a hug or a kiss is not the way to go. Use frame and habit so she can show her love for you.
That way they know that you are comfortable with them growing up and the change of their bodies. Otherwise this intensifies the feeling that their loved one are somehow repelled because they are growing up (female logic).
Do sports activities with them – ride a bike, shoot hoops, go to play grounds and actually play with them. If they move their body and you are encouraging them, they get to feel self-control and power over their body. This is a great feeling that helps them have a healthy body image.
4. Make sure they eat healthy
The growing epidemic of carbs and non-saturated fat is all around. Fight it. You can, but you need to prepare for that in advance. My daughters ask regularly for snacks, as kids do. I always offer vegetables and fruits. I have a hard time with that but they slowly get accustomed to it.
If I’m taking them out for a few hours, I pack vegetables in a box. “Dad, I’m hungry” they say after sometime. “Here are the vegetables” I hand them the box. “Again?” They are disappointed. “Yes. This is what we have.” “OK. I’ll have the cucumbers and capsicum.”
I also insist on calling food by it ingredients. Snacks are carbs. Meet and eggs are protein. Use this when you want to associate food in a way that will help them to remember what is better to eat. I emphasize having protein over carbs and making sure other nutrients are available.
5. Teach them to regulate their emotions
From my experience, and what the red pill teaches us – women are primarily driven by their emotions. Women of the past, by choice or by necessity, knew how to regulate their emotions better and were not all about her feelings.
Quoting Roosh (emphasis is mine):
…what she thinks of as morality is actually built upon her feelings. When faced with any type of stress, she will almost always follow the herd or make the wrong decision”
Part of helping your daughter to grow is explaining and exercising her in recognizing her emotions. When my elder has a “hormone serge” I explain (afterwards) about it. Those episodes still happen, but one can help his daughter to regulate it (to some extent).
Work on it regularly. Teach them to harness their emotions for good, and not to turn it against themselves (I use the TV as examples for it, but one may use books and other people around). A girl who can, to some extent, regulate her emotions will be a great wife and mother.
6. Tell her what you expect from her
So natural, yet so overlooked by, well, most of the people.
I heard moms and dads saying stuff like: “Well, it is up to her.” I almost cringe hearing this. This is being lazy, and not putting the right emphasis on the right things in life. I don’t intend to tell my daughters what occupation to choose, but I am going to tell them how to live their life.
This is done by stories (with morals), and sometimes actually telling them what I expect.
Example 1 – Serving the military
In Israel there is mandatory draft, for guys and girls. My eldest is more pacifist by nature and has strong feeling against war. I told her that she, just like her father (who is on reserve duty regularly) and her mother (who served her time) will have to do it too.
“Can I be a dog trainer or a psychologist?” she asks. “Yes you may” I answer, “There are a lot of options to serve our country. I expect you and your sister to help our nation.” “I don’t want to be a long time in the army” she pouts. “You don’t have to stay more than the time our government has decided upon,” I reassure her.
She knows I expect her to do it, and not some “Daddy Government” or an unknown law which makes less sense to her.
Example 2 – Friends
It is crucial to develop social skills. An old Jewish saying goes like this: “If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?”
So it is important that children will be social. This is what I tell my daughters, they must have some friends (more than one). I, and their mother, make sure that they keep a social circle. They sometimes resent, but I tell them that I expect them to have friends. I also schedule it in advance (at least a day forward).
This means that in the future, I also expect to vet their boyfriends, just like this guy did. I hope I’ll be more successful than him.
This is my second article on the subject (here is the first). I assume that this one will be less controversial. This is my lessons learned from my red pill parent journey of so far. The more I look at it, it just seems a lot like daughters were raised a few decades ago, but with a new flavor.
I want to emphasize again – this does mean I get everything right. However, working by those tips will increase the likelihood of my daughters being better suited for the world, and for growing up. This is part of my legacy.
Read More: 11 Signs You’re Being A Wuss