Just recently I met an attractive brunette through daygame. The approach had gone very well. She seemed flattered that I had stopped her and happy to talk to me. There was a lot of direct eye contact and a flirtatious vibe between us. At the end of our brief exchange, when I suggested we meet again for a drink, she agreed enthusiastically and readily gave me her phone number
I messaged her shortly afterwards. She responded quickly (always a good sign) and we had a suggestive little exchange peppered with a prevalence of ‘wink face’ emoticons.
I then messaged her a few nights later and she told me she was out with friends. I cheekily suggested that she should drop by my place when she was done. Five minutes later and I’d received no response. Five minutes after that and she’d blocked me.
Of course, by any measure my strategy had been a risky one. The truth is that in most cases it is unlikely that a girl who has met a random man in the street for less than five minutes will travel over to his apartment alone in the middle of the night (although such things do happen). Nevertheless, women are generally favourable to men who make explicit—or even just heavily hint at—their sexual desires over those who hide their dicks. A pass is normally given in a sort of “I get it’s your job to try but it’s my job to resist—try again next time” way.
But more importantly, the timbre of our messages up to that point undoubtedly indicated that I was impertinent and playful and would probably “push my luck” without meaning it all that seriously. Still, this girl, who had no doubt by now designated me a “creep” felt that her best course of action was to summarily break off all contact with me, despite having clearly been attracted before, and despite our having got on very well.
Welcome to the dating market of 2017: make one mistake and you’ll be ruthlessly kicked to the curb.
Are Things Worse Than Ever?
The question, though, is whether things really are any worse today than they were ten, fifteen or twenty years ago. Is it harder to meet girls now than it was when I first got into game? My feeling is that on the one hand, yes, it is harder. On the other hand, though, pickup—by which I mean being the chooser—has never been a walk in the park.
I have been interested in PUA for quite some time now, beginning my formal preoccupation with it in 2004. Prior to that I still hit on plenty of girls, albeit in a less informed way. So let’s say I have 15 years’ worth of game experience, give or take. Certainly on the surface it would seem that things have changed and, as Roosh points out in his in his podcast The Death of Night Game, this is to a large extent driven by the tech explosion we have experienced in the intervening years.
As has been much discussed, the combination of the smartphone with social media apps like Instagram and Snap, where women can and do receive constant validation from thirsty betas liking their pictures, plus the emergence of the dating apps—Tinder, Happn, Bumble etc.—has meant that girls are in receipt of a quantity of positive male attention that is unprecedented in the whole of human history.
It is hard to see how this factor can’t have had an effect on the dating market. Throw in the counterculture movement of the sixties with its emphasis on free love plus the emergence of radical feminism and you have quite a heady cocktail.
I’ve observed elsewhere that sexual market value and ones perception of ones own worth is rather like the financial markets in that it is affected by confidence above all else. If you are confident in your financial standing then you are more likely to spend money than if you’re not. In the same way, if a woman is confident that there is an army of hot guys out there clamouring for her attention then there is less incentive for her to take your individual pitch seriously, regardless of how attractive you might be.
However, let’s not get carried away. A few new means of communication over the past decade would be hard-pressed to overturn the evolutionary biology developed over the last 200,000 years. Men are still men, women are still women, The latter will continue to be attracted to men who display power, whether that is via wealth, good genetics (read: good looks), social worth, calibration or dominance and so on. And men will continue to be attracted to women who display signs of fertility through youth, beauty and a healthy body.
The other thing to remember is that when I or any other man makes an assessment on the current state of game he is doing so largely through the prism of his own experience, and that experience is necessarily coloured by whatever changes have taken place in his own life. For a forty year-old guy to say that things are harder than when he was twenty-seven is inherently difficult to interpret. Perhaps he was simply more physically attractive when he was younger. Perhaps his sex drive was stronger, encouraging him to make more and riskier approaches. Perhaps other factors in his life like business have become more important to him, impacting negatively not only on the amount of time he apportions to game but also on the vigour with which he approaches it.
There is no even playing field. Game, as an interpersonal skill, will always be played on shifting sands.
Those Halcyon Days
Finally, in case you were wondering, I should dispel the notion that there was ever a halcyon age when all you had to do was to approach a girl for her to instantly drop her knickers, fuck you and then remain faithful to you for life. Sure, it was perhaps slightly easier to get a girl out on a date fifteen years ago, given there were fewer distractions overall. But women were still hypergamous, they still played games, they still loved the bad boys, they still flaked and they still cheated. If technology has escalated these things then it is my belief that the effect has been lesser than you might imagine.
What’s The Way Forward?
Either way, though, the market is what it is and there is little you can do to change that, in the short term at least. What, then, is the optimal strategy to pursue?
As I always say, your only option is to double down and maximize your chance by creating more opportunities for yourself by approaching more girls, whether that be through day game, night game, app game or—perhaps most effectively—through a combination of all three.
Guys will doubtless bitch and moan about having to expend even more energy than before in obtaining intimacy with flaky, narcissistic women, but bear two things in mind. First, approaching one woman a day and swiping a few times on Tinder really takes up very little of your time. Second, whether you admit it or not you need sex and when a needs something her should be prepared to go out and work for it without complaint, no matter how unfair the circumstances might feel.