According to young leftists, “Nazis” seem to be everywhere these days. If you took their (literally Hitler) word for it, you would think they are hidden under your bed, hiding in the trunk of your car, and have implemented a coup d’état of the White House.
Donald Trump and Steve Bannon are almost certainly full-fledged Nazis according to their emotion-driven rhetoric, and lesser Nazis seem to be just about any light-skinned male who does not march lock-step with the progressive agenda.
The fact that a flamboyantly homosexual Jew (Milo Yiannopoulos) has also been dubbed a Nazi shows just how low the bar has been set in order to be grouped with the biggest pop culture villains of the 20th century.
So if Nazis are a resurrected boogeyman in the second half of the 2010’s, how can young progressives impotently fight back against this new-yet-old phantom menace?
Using the original Nazis and how they behaved as a base reference point, we have found seven great ways they can “retaliate” against all these ghost Nazis which seem to be multiplying by the hour.
1. Drink Nothing But Alcohol
Do you drink water? Well guess what… so did Hitler! It is imperative that progressives and SJW’s cease drinking water immediately if they want to avoid any association with the king of fascism.
Furthermore, Hitler was a teetotaler for much of his adult life, meaning that he did not consume alcoholic beverages at all. Therefore, you should not only stop consuming water, but you should avoid all non-alcoholic beverages in general.
Drink nothing but beer, wine, moonshine, and spirits all day and every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Your health, finances, employment, and relationships will collapse under the pressures and sickness of being constantly intoxicated, but at least you’ll be pulling a direct 180 of what Hitler would be doing.
2. Become A Chain Smoker
It might interest you to know that Nazi Germany helped implement the world’s first nationwide anti-smoking campaign. That’s right, they were well aware of the negative health effects of smoking all the way back in the 1930s, when it was an otherwise debatable phenomenon in most other parts of the world for decades to come.
Hitler himself absolutely despised smoking, and he even called it “the wrath of the Red Man against the White Man, vengeance for having been given hard liquor.”
As a progressive social justice advocate, you should find it absolutely horrifying that the Nazis would make such a campaign, and that Hitler personally detested smoking. The only solution for you is to virtue signal and take up smoking without hesitation.
So go spend all of your disposable income on tobacco (if you haven’t spent it all on alcohol already) and smoke, smoke, smoke away. Your personal health and finances won’t thank you at all, but at least you will be (literally) not-like-Hitler.
3. Get A Giant Neck Tattoo
Sure, the heavily inked Neo-Nazi’s are one thing, but sporting tattoos was very rare back in the 1930s and 1940s with the original Nazis. Also taking into consideration their disdain for social degeneracy, you can rest assured that the Nazi’s would not have expressed much appreciation for pervasive body ink amongst the German population.
As a progressive, you are well aware that tattoos are like… the coolest thing in the world and stuff. So you’ve got to get more and more and more in order to virtue signal your anti-fascism.
More than anything, you need to follow the veiled suggestion from Black Lives Matter advocate DeRay Mckesson (above) and get yourself a nice big neck tattoo if you haven’t got one already.
It is very hard to cover and will prevent you from being employed in just about any above-minimum-wage profession outside of the trades (which you almost certainly don’t work in), but it’s a small price to pay for not being like an old school fascist.
4. Get Fat And Out Of Shape
An overweight and obese society is a huge social and health care burden, but nonetheless you need to do the direct opposite of what the Nazi’s would have preferred for the nation. Get fat.
Thankfully, this is a particularly easy thing to achieve for many SJW-type individuals. They hardly ever set foot in the gym or eat healthy in the first place.
5. Dress Like Shit
Wehrmacht officers and senior Nazi officials were immaculately dressed, with handsome tailored suits and decorations which just oozed style, class, and sophistication.
The least thing that a progressive or SJW wants is to have any kind of sense of sophistication, style, and class in their appearance. So please, wear ill-fitting, vulgar, juvenile, or completely outlandish clothing at any and every situation.
For instance, if you have been invited to the opera or have been called in for a prestigious job interview, do not dare show up with a clean suit and dress shoes. That’s something the Nazi’s would do, so go in flip-flops and a vulgar slogan T-shirt instead. Bonus points for donning an unnatural hair color too.
6. Pursue A Useless Degree And Avoid STEM
In Nazi Germany’s mere 12 years of existence, the regime was an absolute science and technology powerhouse, arguably on a scale the world had never seen before in such a short amount of time.
The world’s first practical helicopter came into being, rocketry and submarine technology improved tremendously, the first modern assault rifle was issued, and Nazi Germany spearheaded jet aircraft (a vital component for modern airliners which transport western men to locales with far more desirable and feminine women.)
Therefore, considering all this spectacular technological innovation under the short-lived Nazi’s, progressives and SJW’s should strive to study useless degrees and avoid all STEM fields.
Taking a make-work job with something like human resources is far more desirable than studying a field which will actually create something of value to society or amount to anything. That would be like something fascists would do.
7. Become Sterile And Avoid Having Children
Finally, Nazi Germany was well aware that demography is destiny, and put considerable emphasis on German women to have large families. Usually, at least four children was preferable, where upon the “Cross Of Honour Of The German Mother” decoration would be awarded along with its accompanying social benefits.
Naturally, as a progressive person, you should do the polar opposite of the Nazi’s state ideology and put yourself into voluntary sterility.
Make sure that your genes will not continue into the next generation.
Many segments of society will deeply mourn your genetic dead-end and your great accomplishments in life, like the dozens of impotent “awareness” campaigns you took part in, but it is a small price to pay in order to distance yourself from all those awful Nazis out there.