So, you’ve been frivorced. When you were out slaying dragons, you knew you could always find warm companionship back home in your cozy foxhole with your, ahem, beautiful and loyal wife. ‘It’s you and me babe against the world!’ Right?
But then the unexpected happens. You start taking on fire from inside the foxhole. It’s like a scene in the horror movie when the operator tells you that the homicidal call came from inside your house. Now you’re facing attacks from two sides—from the dragons and your wife who, come to think of it, you haven’t had decent sex with in a year or longer. And actually, she’s not really that beautiful.
She may ambush you with papers, catching you totally off guard to optimize her exit strategy. Or she may passive-aggressively just stop being a wife until you’re forced to drop her dead weight (which, her hamster says, absolves her from any guilt). Either way, you know the next several years are going to be a crap-fest.
Where am I going to live? Can I keep the house? Is she going to ream me financially? Am I going to be on the hook for alimony? For how long? Is she going to accuse me of abuse? Is she going to try to take my kids away? If she does, will I have to pay child support and not even be able to see them? How much is this lawyer costing me?
It’s a lot to take on, especially if you mostly believed the gynocentric pile we’ve been force-fed since forever. But, cheer up. I’m here to tell you that frivorce can be the best thing that ever happened to you.
First Thing First, Survive
Your world was dumped upside down. Know that it will take time for your brain plasticity—your thought patterns and expectations—to reshape to your new reality. So here are some quick pointers to get you through this phase.
First, accept and mourn what you’ve lost: financial security, a common history with an ex-friend, a lot of wasted sacrifices and an idyllic future with an intact, nuclear family. A proverb says, “weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” No weeping, no joy.
Two, lift weights. Walk. Run. Bike. Swim. Hike. Whatever! Just get your body moving and occupied. It relives stress and anger and helps you sleep.
Three, if you’ve neglected male friendships like most married men, it’s time to make some. Male companionship is good for the soul. Your posse will support you and show you how to have fun again. And you can return the favor some day as a new soul is born out of the matrix.
Flipping the Script
As you come out of the post-divorce funk, you question everything. You believed so many lies that blew up in your face that you don’t believe shit anymore. And that’s good, because you have to leave the past behind and grab hold of this opportunity to shift from a blue-pill life in support of the Feminine Imperative to a masculine life that serves your interests.
You will have a lot of free, unmolested time that you never had being married. Use it to build the masculine life you want. But you have to do some real soul-searching here. Ask yourself what really matters to you? What do you really enjoy? What brings you deep fulfillment? And where do you want to be in 10, 20, 30 years?
Your goal is to build a life that is full and balanced, that makes time for work, family, friends, hobbies and especially kids if you’ve got them. Build relationships with your buds. They will last a lifetime. A woman… maybe not so much.
Oh Lord! How hard have husbands worked to satisfy ridiculous bitch demands…. bigger diamonds… kitchen upgrades… houses we couldn’t afford… expensive cars… and on and on and on. None of this shit matters to us, but we foolishly enslaved ourselves to provide it.
No more! Now, you have total control over your own resources. And believe me, you will have different priorities. For myself, I wanted off the work-work-work, consume-consume-consume treadmill. I wanted less stress, more freedom and an earlier retirement. Win, win, win. This is the path of minimalism whereas wives always and everywhere are expert maximalists. She wants you yoked up for life—bringing her diamonds from the salt mines until your heart gives out.
Yes indeed, Corporate America and your princess were riding you hard. You were a beast of burden enriching them both. Now it’s time to turn the table. Do you have a job or role you don’t really like, but kept because Princess? Screw it! Take the role that makes you happier. Are you stressed-out and anxious in a job that pays only a tad more? Screw it! Take a less stressful job. You don’t have to be a corporate drone anymore because you aren’t serving Woman. (See how Corporate America feeds and nourishes feminism to create their biggest and most mindless consumers? And how you were caught in the crossfire?)
I’m not saying abandon fulfillment in work. Far from it. But do it on your terms, brother.
This is tricky and men take many paths here. Depending how blue-pill you were and how long you were married, I recommend taking a lot of time off from women. Women are going to try to suck you right back into their narrative before you can clear your head and build an integrated masculine life. Only after you are living it can you figure out where women fit in.
They will want marriage…you can bet on that. But you don’t—at least not now. You just got out of one and it sucked. They will want to dominate your time. But that will eat into other relationships and hobbies that are important to you. They will want your money and support. But you were just financially screwed in the divorce.
No, going forward, women will have to fit into your frame. And more than anyone, you should be loath to ever give one woman power over you through marriage. Dating post-divorce is fantastic because you wield real power for the first time in a long time. It was so palpable to me—and so unlike the last years of a failing marriage. You can walk away from any relationship for any reason without cost. No lawyers! If you were a beta or greater beta in your marriage, you’ll find it’s a lot easier to be alpha when you have actual power.
And for the love of all that is holy! If you feel yourself falling back into the female script, reminisce a bit on your time in the county court system and with your divorce lawyer. Or look at your alimony and child support check. I’ve seen recently divorced men lurch right back into marriage as if they required a domineering woman to validate and order their lives.
Life threw you a curve. But you now have a great opportunity to flip the script. It will take some hard work and patience, but when you come out of it, you will be better, stronger and smarter. You will rethink and reorganize your work life. And you will know what you want – and don’t want – from women. It all tastes like freedom.
Read More: How The Gender Script Was Flipped