Lifestyle michael bolton

June 8th, 2013

Stop Complaining About Your Job, Pussy!

By

In the year 30,000 B.C, a lonely caveman wakes up shivering inside his cave dwelling.

As he takes a step outside to urinate, he is careful not to piss all over his legs considering his penis has fully retracted from the frozen temperature.  As he looks down at his shriveled up manhood, he starts to contemplate how he will eat today.  Besides some nuts and berries he has stored inside his cave, his family has run out of meat.

In several hours he will travel out into wilderness with just his trusty spear, and attempt to capture some game while dodging threats from deadly predators.

dinosaur3

Life is difficult for our caveman:

  • There are only two fresh water streams in his village.  Unlike modern-day India, the cavemen designate one  stream for shitting and washing out his anus, and the other one for drinking.

india

  • At age 12 the caveman married his sister, and now they have 3 horrible looking children.
  • He will suffer a brutal heart attack age 37 and die.  He will be the oldest person in the village at his time of death.
  • Eventually his family will be alerted of his death, and his body will be returned to his village.
  • Unfortunately Jesus was not born yet, so the caveman’s children will burn his body over a fire pit, and roasted “leg of dad” will be enjoyed by all.

lamb

So let’s hear your story….

  • You were born in a nice air-conditioned hospital.  Your parents drove you home in a vehicle run by gas, and the vehicle traveled on a nice paved road with electrical lights that provided clear vision.
  • During your childhood your parents drove the vehicle powered by gas to the supermarket to purchase food, and you went to a beautiful elementary school with manicured lawns, running water, and heat.
  • During your sophomore year of College, your 85-year-old grandfather died, and in his “will” he left you $50,000.  Lucky this happened after Jesus, and your grandfather will be buried in a nice pine box in the dirt.
  • Your cousin will receive a full scholarship to College just for hitting a green ball over a net with a racquet.

You eventually will attend a University, where you will drink gallons of beer, smoke marijuana on a daily basis, and chase pussy.  After graduation you will eventually receive a job where you get paid while sitting in a chair.

  • In the office you have free air conditioning, free heat, paid sick days, a 401K, health insurance, and you have to provide little to no physical effort to receive these benefits.
  • You are paid so much money that in your free time you are able to travel the world, eat at fancy restaurants, gamble, and have sex with exotic women.

So unless you live in India, or you work for UPS in Detroit, there is no reason for anyone to be complaining about their job. Take advantage of your free time to get into shape, learn a new skill or hobby, and improve on yourself as a person. And most importantly,

Stop complaining about your job!

Read Next: 8 Essential Rules To Surviving The Workplace


About the Author

is a blogger and fitness guru based out of Brooklyn, NY. He recently published his first book

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