A great many guys read game articles or watch videos online and get proficient at approaching girls and asking for their phone numbers. The problem is that they don’t get any further than this, and there is nothing more frustrating than having a smartphone full of flaky numbers with girls acting half-hearted and shying away from coming to meet you on dates.
If you are looking to pull hot girls with the idea of finding a relationship, or even just for temporary fun, then you need to learn how to get over this particular hump. Below I tell you exactly why you’re getting into this situation and the steps you need to get out of it.
Phone Number Purgatory
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. You see a cute girl in the street, walk up to her, give her whatever spiel you’ve taken from this week’s YouTube video, have a friendly chat and then you ask for the number. But later on when you contact her you find that the number fails to lead you to the sexual nirvana you had hoped it would. Instead she either ignores your messages or is polite but flaky.
If this happens to you several times a month then that’s fine—flakiness is usual and to be expected. When you’re walking up to random girls in the street or club you are to some extent playing a numbers game, as well as competing with whoever else is blowing up her phone on WhatsApp, Tinder and so on. But if you are finding yourself in phone number purgatory consistently—if it is a pattern rather than an occasional occurrence—then it is likely that you are doing something wrong in your approach.
Here’s the problem—when guys first get into game they massively overestimate the degree of sexual intent they are injecting into their interactions. And that makes sense. After all, if you’ve hardly ever approached in your life then the mere act of telling a girl she looks cute should be—-logic would dictate—enough to let her know that you have a dick and you are interested in her. Unfortunately, this is not the case and far too many guys are having friendly, flat, non-sexually charged conversations with girls, projecting a ‘nice guy’ aura and getting blown out.
Don’t be one of those guys—as with everything in life, pick-up works much better when you put everything you have on the line.
The central issue is that most guys (and girls) are risk averse—they don’t want to put themselves on the line for fear of being hurt and humiliated. Nothing wrong with that. From an evolutionary perspective it makes total sense for a human being to avoid danger. In pre-historic times a man risked being torn limb from limb for approaching a woman from outside of his tribe, so the inbuilt fear of approaching we all feel to some extent is based on a human precedent that is inbred.
There are two problems with this, though: one, we no longer live in prehistoric times and two, appearing risk-averse looks profoundly unsexy.
Look, in 2017 the risks associated with politely approaching girls are extremely low. I have approached thousands of girls over the years and almost nothing bad has ever come of it. OK, I’ve annoyed a couple of boyfriends and been embarrassed a few times, but I have never been physically attacked, arrested or killed. Now, I’m not saying that any of those things couldn’t conceivably happen in the course of a pick-up—of course they could. Just that, as long as you’re calibrated and approach with light and cheeky humour they are all extremely unlikely.
The other thing is that, put simply, girls like guys who take risks. I have got with girls who probably wouldn’t have looked at me twice largely because I’ve had the balls to run up to them in the street and express my sexual interest in them. This is where cold-approach pickup has a huge edge over Tinder—you can, through your actions, demonstrate your qualities as a man (boldness, courage, sexual intent etc). So why half-ass it? Far better to go all in with every girl you approach and let her know precisely what you want.
The issue is that girls are taught to be polite (OK, there are plenty of bitches out there, but stay with me). Handing over a phone number is in many cases merely a form of politeness—a more pleasant way to get rid of a guy. The path of least resistance.
While new guys probably know this on some level, they choose to ignore it. They perform the lowest-impact approach they can, take the number, go home feeling like they’ve scored a victory and then complain online when the girl doesn’t respond or refuses a date. Then they go out the next week, do the same thing again and so the cycle repeats itself.
How To Avoid Phone Number Purgatory
Look, the only way you’re going to avoid falling into this trap is by going all-in. What do I mean by that? I mean every time you approach a girl, whether you go direct or indirect (and that’s a whole other topic) you need to leave her in no doubt why you are talking to her and what you want.
As I said, many guys have this ‘well I approached her and I told her she was pretty so she must know I was trying to pick her up’-mentality. No, no, no. Girls don’t always know why you’re approaching them. You may simply be being friendly. You might be gay. Unless you make it absolutely clear that you are approaching with sexual intent you risk being ignored, or worse, friend-zoned.
Now, I’m certainly not advocating that you walk up to women and tell them you want to bang them straight off the bat. That would be uncalibrated and counterproductive. But what you must do is communicate your intent through deep eye contact, touch and verbal spikes.
When you are talking to her, even if you’ve approached her indirectly asking for directions, she should be in no doubt of the message your eyes are communicating to her—that you’re imagining her naked and you like what you see. There’s no short cut to this, it takes practice, but try thinking sexual thoughts while you are speaking. That will get you a lot of the way there.
You should also try to touch her. Not in a weird, creepy way. Just on the forearm or maybe the back. What you need to do from the first meeting is to break through the ‘strangeness’ or you and her getting physical so that it becomes anchored in her mind as something natural and pleasant. This will make the transition to sex later on a hell of a lot easier.
Finally, you must drop verbal spikes into the conversation. The two methods I use most commonly are double entendre and challenging. When speaking to a girl I will commonly misinterpret whatever she says as having a sexual undertone to it (‘Oh, it’s raining hard. Do you like it hard?’ etc). I will also challenge her on some aspect of her personality (‘You say this is the best coffee shop in town? I’m not sure I believe you. Show me your barista certification etc.)
You must tease and you must make the conversation crackle with sexual energy. Unless you’re going for a same-day lay or one-night stand you have to ensure that you’ve peaked sufficient interest in her (i.e. vaginal tingles) that when you text her you aren’t merely that nice, friendly, entirely forgettable boy she talked to briefly outside the metro station.
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