Several months ago, I reviewed that classic of erotic literature, The Kama Sutra, on my website. In that review I said that the book didn’t actually provide as much erotic instruction as I would have liked, instead giving me a lot of interesting looks at the culture of ancient India that was nonetheless not immediately pertinent to improving one’s skill in the erotic arts.
So for your benefit, this will be the first of several articles that will cut to the “meat and potatoes” (meat and naan, whatever) of the Kama Sutra, showing you the sexual positions in both textual and visual form, and how and when to utilize them, without all of that other information that is not particularly relevant to the modern man. While Return Of Kings is of course a men’s website, I will also be providing counterpoint to each item on the list, in the form of instruction for any women to use when having sex with their menfolk, just as the original Kama Sutra does for both male and female readers.
The most important thing to remember when studying the erotic arts is that most sexual positions are, in fact, variations of the basic ones you know without instruction—typically, the mere act of placing the legs in a slightly different place constitutes a new position. With that being said, a few of them are actually the nigh-incomprehensible techniques only alluded to on bad sitcoms. But those will perhaps be for another time.
And so, without further ado:
Number 1: Mouth Congress
What we in the modern day and age refer to as oral sex, Vatsyayana referred to as “mouth congress”—and I’m honestly surprised that some fedora-tipper hasn’t started using that term. As stated above, I will be providing instructions for both men and women because A) The techniques are obviously different for each sex and B) Considering that the overwhelming majority of blowjobs I’ve gotten in my life have been absolutely horrendous, I feel the women of the world could use some proper edification. But first the men:
When performing cunnilingus, the key is to stimulate the clitoris. In other words, don’t just slobber all over the vulva like a dog lapping up some tasty bits off the floor. Use the tongue to palpate the clitoris, letting her responses guide you.
Side note: When I say “let her responses guide you,” I mean that in the sense of “listen to how she reacts to your tongue magic and react accordingly,” not “stop every 10 seconds and ask her for consent and approval.” This isn’t California.
For the women performing fellatio: the two biggest problems I’ve had afflicted on me are the use of teeth, and literally “sucking” the penis as if it were a straw. Avoid doing these in the future. Use the hands, and use the oral cavity and tongue as if they were hands as well.
Number 2: A Couple Of Missionary Variations
Yeah, I’m slightly cheating with this.
I don’t think I need to explain to most ROK readers what the missionary position is, as I assume that most of us reading this website have had sexual intercourse at some point in their lives. Instead, I seek to convey a few variations on the standard position that may enhance your lovemaking pleasure and prowess.
One way to go about doing this is the Lotuslike Missionary, in which the woman lays on her back and folds her legs up into a lotus-like position as the name implies. This requires a good degree of flexibility, but rewards you with deeper penetration
Or alternatively, the woman can plant her feet and do a wrestling-style short bridge, allowing for deeper penetration and for her to match her thrusts with the man’s
Number 3: Fixing the Nail
This is technically another missionary variation, but the sheer peculiarity of it is worth a standalone entry.
The woman lifts one leg high up and over, being evocative of a hammer striking the face of the man. The angles allow for some interesting use of kegels, as well as some general heavy petting along the raised thigh. While this isn’t one of my favorites, it’s worth a try.
Number 4: The Supported Congress
My personal favorite position, one that not only feels good, but also actively cultivates your masculinity and reinforces traditional gender roles while in the act of sexual intercourse.
The easiest way to go about doing this is to begin in what Vatsyayana refers to as the “pair of tongs” position, and what you likely know as the cowgirl.
Wait for her to slow down or stop entirely (which she should have legitimate reason to do if you’ve been doing it right), and then suddenly lunge forward, grab her around the waist, and stand up upon your feet—I emphasize that you should never end coitus, and it should be rapid.
Then continue thrusting as normal. If you’ve done this properly, her reaction will be a shriek half comprised of shock and half comprised of the utmost arousal. Her arms and legs will tightly wrap around your shoulders and waist, an involuntary reflex to a genuine fear of falling flat on her face. In short, her adrenaline glands will be working their endocrine magic. And from there you can stay on your feet or seamlessly transition to a man-on-top position
These four positions are just the tip of the sexual iceberg. Have fun and be safe.
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