We here at Return Of Kings have dedicated ourselves to promoting the interests of masculine men. In our multiple demographic appeal, we discuss fitness, sex, philosophy, science, and many other topics, to the point where I don’t think it is an exaggeration to say that Return Of Kings is one of, if not the best, men’s magazines out there in the world today.

But that raises a question: what is “the establishment” publishing? If we have an iron grip upon the truth, then what is legacy media pushing in their periodicals and publications intended for viewing by a masculine audience?

Being something of a minimalist, I never held a subscription to any of the standard men’s magazines you will find—however, one night while at physical therapy for my foot (and in case anybody is wondering, they estimate that around April or May I’ll be able to get back into the gym and start lifting again), I managed to get my hands on a men’s magazine, more specifically the December 2016 edition of Men’s Journal magazine, which can be deemed, at least tangentially, a fitness magazine, as it was placed along with other magazines such as Men’s Health. And upon reading that magazine, I decided to write up a list that essentially compares and contrasts our content to theirs. And so without further ado:

A Walk Through Men’s Journal, With Related Links 

The front cover of December’s edition advertises two articles that immediately turned my head: One was a list of the “must buy” items of 2016—of course, the very idea of there being any consumer good that one “must buy” immediately rankled me, and this antipathy towards mindless consumerism is a nigh-universal trait amongst masculinist websites.

As if that weren’t enough to raise the ire of the reader, the main cover story was an article on how to be a better husband under the tutelage of…Bill Clinton

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Any reader of Return Of Kings already knows how ridiculous citing Bill Clinton as any sort of moral authority is. The byline then goes on to describe how “he told the world that his wife is ‘slaying’ her career and he’s behind her—and that’s what women always say they want.” In other words, the same Narrative we’re force-fed everywhere else, but you wouldn’t expect to see in a magazine ostensibly for masculine men—at the very least, you would expect a men’s magazine to point out that women do not, in fact, like “kitchen bitches”. To top it off, this article was replete with the sort of faux-“edginess” you would see on Jezebel, where the author peppers his language with profanity (far more profanity then I use) in a vain attempt to pretend that he’s something other than a propagator of establishment narratives.

As a side note, that article propagates the “slut or frigid” feminist dogma, and cites Michael Kimmel as an authority on men, Michael Kimmel being a guy that Jack Donovan has thoroughly eviscerated in print.

Despite the fact that the magazine promises advice on exercise and fitness, there was surprisingly little of that—there are plenty of articles about OTHER men doing great physical feats, both in the realms of mainstream sportsball and other, more exotic sports. However there was very little about the reader’s fitness. Indeed, were I of a conspiratorial mindset, I would think that they were promoting the watching of sports as something of a “panem et circenses,” to quote Juvenal. But that would just be ridiculous, right?

Is There Any Good In This Magazine?

For reasons unknown to me, I am something of an optimist, and generally I try to “throw the dog a bone” when it deserves one. And in this case, there were indeed a few worthwhile things that this magazine had to say. More accurately speaking, there were two articles that weren’t complete bullshit.

The first was an article on men’s fashion, which wasn’t half bad considering that the article was a blatant plug for a particular clothing line’s wares. At the very least, the clothes were what one would actually identify as “men’s clothing,” which is more than you can say for most fashion lines these days.

And it was in the last 30 or so pages that there was some actual fitness related writing: to be precise, it was a halfway decent shadowboxing workout for beginners, buried in the middle of a celebrity puff piece about actor Miles Teller’s training for his playing of boxer Vinny Pazienza in an upcoming movie. And seeing as I see nothing wrong with taking inspiration from those men who have transformed their bodies—the key being inspiration, i.e.: following in their example—I will give that article my seal of approval.

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Conclusion

In my brief reading of Men’s Journal magazine, I saw that there were a few nuggets of goodness, but overall I wasn’t impressed. Indeed, the magazine really comes off as a “man” version of the Ladies Home Journal, or a slightly “upmarket” version of the dumbed-down “bacon and boobs” masculinity that “The Cathedral” allows us to have. You can get much better articles on general men’s interest, fitness, history, sex, philosophy, and diet—amongst many other topics—for free on websites such as this one you’re currently reading.

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