When it comes to Thai girls I think it’s fair to acknowledge that there are one or two negative associations that we westerners like to make about their characteristics, intentions and values, but I would advise anyone to reserve judgement on this. I’ve found that a lot of what you hear is a pile of tired old nonsense that only applies to certain men who fall in love with the much younger women that they meet in bars whilst on their annual vacations…
Let’s not scoff at these guys though, if you’ve never been to Thailand then you really can’t know just how convincing these lovely bar-girl temptresses can be. At the same time, I believe that it is the poor choices that have been made by these men, in selecting their Thai partners, that have led to a lot of bad press about Thai girls in general – and five big myths in particular:
Myth 1: They are all about the money
This is the most common myth of all and there are a number of reasons for its existence; most of them are based on simple misunderstandings. However, the illicit activities that go on in the bar-scene are fairly well understood and I doubt that there’s any need to clarify them here. There is no shortage of men that have been scammed by the girls they met in Thailand bars and clubs, but it’s totally unfair to equate that with the behavior of regular Thai ladies.
The vast majority of ladies do not get involved with a man for financial reasons; that’s not to say that money isn’t important to the success of a relationship, it has to be important in a poor country where the necessities of life are not immediately available to all, but money is not often the primary incentive for regular Thai girls when looking for a romantic partner.
It also makes no difference whether the girl in question is considering romance with a westerner or a Thai man, genuine emotions come first, but practical financial realities cannot be ignored and men in Thailand are expected to be providers.
Myth 2: They are subservient housekeepers
Hehe.. let me rephrase that… hehehehe! Anyone who thinks that Thai girls are subservient, quiet little home-keepers, who will dote on their man’s every whim, had better have a serious reality check.
Thailand does have a very hierarchical society and at first glance it may appear that husbands rule the roost, with wives taking a backseat when decisions need to be made. It may appear that sons are favored over daughters, and that the way of life in general might seem a bit male orientated, but the truth is that things are much more complicated than this.
There’s no doubt that Thai girls often have a very soft, quiet and feminine exterior, but that doesn’t imply subservience in any way. Inside their tiny frames are minds of steel that can’t be bargained with, can’t be reasoned with, and absolutely will not stop… ever, until you admit that you were wrong and they were right. This one actually falls in line with a largely unknown fact i.e. that after 5,000 years of civilization, no Thai girl has ever been wrong… about anything… ever!
Myth 3: They prefer older men
Whilst there is actually some truth in this one, I’m afraid that it probably isn’t the truth that you might be hoping for if you are over a certain age i.e. that older guys are considered physically more attractive. Sorry, but the preference is based more on the extra perceived financial stability that older men are thought to offer, as well as the notion that older guys are a bit more settled and less likely to play around with other women once they are in a serious relationship.
Older men are seen as being more mature, more reliable, and a good choice for a long-term romantic partner. Your mission, if you want to find a successful long-term love interest, is to make sure that you choose wisely and avoid getting too involved with a lady that might have her eyes a little too transfixed on the financial benefits of romance with a westerner. This isn’t a difficult thing to do, but you’ll need to avoid the pitfalls that a lot of western men have fallen into before.
From a physical point of view, Thai girls prefer a man that is of a similar age to themselves. Some may prefer a man that is a little older, some are not ashamed to admit that they would prefer a man who is a little younger, but there’s no great difference with the preferences that women from other countries have with regard to physical attraction.
Myth 4: They just want to get a visa
This one might be surprising to you but I can assure you that the majority of Thai girls have no interest in living overseas, and most would prefer to live in their home-towns. A lot of ladies from the provinces do work in Bangkok, where wage levels are much better, but given the chance many would move out of the big-city in a heartbeat if they could afford a decent standard of living back home. By that I mean a high enough income that they can take care of their family’s (the needs of the family are usually the driving force that leads them to Bangkok in the first place).
The horror stories that you may have heard of, whereby a girl does a runner as soon as she is permitted entry into a western country, are actually very rare. In the cases that I’m aware of this sort of thing only happens with crazy set-ups like mail order bride schemes. Guys that steer clear of this sort of madness, and opt for a more regular sort of approach to dating, do not get themselves into these sorts of situations.
Myth 5: They are dishonest
This is another myth that has an element of truth in it. The best way to think about it is in terms of the Western concept of telling little white lies in order to serve the greater good e.g. to protect someone’s feelings and so on. In Thailand, and all South East Asian countries, the need to “save face” goes way beyond anything in Western culture and it leads to a lot of white lies. It’s not just about saving your own face either, Thais are extremely careful to make sure that they don’t cause anyone else to lose face.
To be honest with you, this is one custom that I find a little irritating, because you really do need to be constantly second-guessing a lot of what you hear in order to try and figure out if it is truth or some sort of face-saving lie. Even other Thais sometimes struggle with this one and find it a bit over the top in situations when you need the truth but can’t be absolutely sure that you are hearing it—lies are told in the most innocuous of situations. The purpose though is almost never to be dishonest, it’s just to save-face and avoid causing any sort of confrontation.
How to meet Thai girls
Thai dating certainly won’t suit every Western man, but if you’re tired of western culture and want to step into something completely different, then Thailand has a lot to offer. If it’s a regular trustworthy lady that you are intending to meet, then there are some very important things to understand right from the very beginning of your search.
Firstly, Bangkok is the best place to start looking as it isn’t just a tourist area, which means that it has lots of regular ladies living there. However, there are some tourist hot-spots in the big city and you’ll need to make sure that you are staying in accommodation that is nowhere near to them—in particular, avoid locating yourself anywhere near to Lower Sukhumvit as it is home to the biggest red-light areas.
As a Westerner in Thailand, the local ladies will suspect you of being a sex tourist, so pitching your tent near to a red-light area will immediately scupper your plans of meeting a good girl. Upper Sukhumvit, on the other hand, is home to a lot of Westerners who are in Thailand for professional or business purposes, so that’s a good place to locate yourself (a Google search will quickly find these places).
Second, meeting friends of friends is one of the best ways to meet the best Thai girls, as is the workplace if you are working in Bangkok. Girls in shopping malls are another good option, but I’m guessing you’ll want to start searching right away and in that case the online dating sites are useful. Be careful though, these sites do attract some unsavory characters and you’ll definitely need some advice about Thai dating culture. My website has lots of FREE info about these things and it will help to steer you in the right direction: www.thaigirlsguru.com
Here’s a few final words of advice about Thai girls; forget about trying to impress them in the way that you would approach a Western girl. The way to impress a Thai lady is to be calm, reserved, and happy. You’ll get nowhere with the loud extroverted approach; the quiet, gentle and considerate guys tend to do a lot better in Thailand. The only real obstacle to long-term success with Thai dating is the culture gap and I won’t lie to you, it’s a big gap, but with a little patience you can bridge it (see my previous post, linked to below, for details on that).