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May 23rd, 2013

5 More Commandments For Making A Club Your Poosy Paradise

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Surprisingly, I did not die of exhaustion or dehydration, so we now have the second installment of this article (click here to read the first). If you don’t have the time, or you just hate my writing, here’s a recap:

  • Know Your Type (Pick out a club you actually WANT to hang out at)
  • Dress Appropriate (No fuzzy hats, flashing belt buckles and consider suiting up)
  • Get To Know The Doorman/List Girl (be friendly but not a kissass and establish raport)
  • Tip Well (You don’t have to break the bank but don’t be cheap)
  • Roll Solo (Some friends’ aren’t meant to wing you)

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Gentleman, I present the Top 5 Commandments…

5. Build Your Reputation

This Commandment takes time to fulfill, but one stupid move and it can be destroyed in a moment. We all know that your reputation in business, with your friends, parents and society determines your success to a certain extent and also can close and open doors in all avenues of life. If you’re a liar and you get the liar rep then don’t be surprised when your options are limited in business, etc.

In your Pussy Paradise, your reputation is just as important in garnering you respect from the staff and club-goers and continuing to keep the Pussy-Funnel operating smoothly to its optimal affect, thus supplying you with an endless supply of hot tail.

Here’s some examples of way to f*ck up your reputation. Heed closely.

-Getting obliterated drunk, which generally never ends well. If you tend to be an angry drunk then know your limit and where the line is of no return. If you’re a hyper drunk this one is more tolerable but please for love of God do NOT be that guy jumping on tables and acting like he’s never been out of the house. I’ve seen this many times and it’s pitiful.

-Not tipping. Nuff said.

-Bringing ugly girls to the club. We could debate until eternity about bringing sand to the beach but it’s a club FACT, that bringing wing-girls or having the social circle of pretty girls is worth more than getting a ‘degree’ in game. Hot girls beget hot girls in a club environment. Hot girls see you with hot girls consistently and they want to know ‘why’. I’ve slept with girls based purely on that reputation. The flip-side is that more relationship type girls may require more gaming due to your playboy rep but this advice is more for one night stand game.

-Getting into fights. I’ve seen this absolutely wreck people socially. Now, if someone gets in your face then of all means be a man and stand your ground and if need be kick some ass, but do not being an INSTIGATOR of fights. Two reasons I see fights break out in a club:

1. Somebody bumped somebody walking by. Let me laugh my fucking ass for a moment because this one is just classic. Let’s see: it’s a club, people are drinking, it’s crowded (if you’re not getting bumped into the club probably sucks), and some dumbass flies off the handle because someone bumped him. Really?

2. A look or a grab on a girl. If you’re in a club with your steady girl and a dude grabs her ass then you have every right to drag him by the throat into an alley and proceed to kick his ass. However, if you just started talking to a girl and another dude walks up and cuts in then proceed with the best Cock-Blocking Formula I’ve seen work in a club:

S.I.E.V. Smile, Inquire, Escalate, Vacate

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Here’s the breakdown:

Smile: nothing screams alpha male more, than a confident, engaging smile. A guy intimidated by another guy does what? He looks down and away, thus allowing the new male in the group to have dominance. Don’t be a submissive bitch. Smile and look at him straight in the eye.

Inquire: Ask a question off the bat. Now he might cut in on you and your convo with the girls with a cheesy pick–up line and this one is always golden, because you can just look at the girls and start laughing automatically making him lower in the eyes of the girls. If he doesn’t though, then right away after smiling, ask a question regarding who he is, where his friends are, etc. There’s a lot of opportunities to elevate yourself to the girls based on his answers but not in a condescending way. Example:

Him: I’m a lawyer

You: Exciting. So you basically work 80 hours a week and are an alcoholic.

Him: Uh yea pretty much.

It’s a subtle way of making him look like an overworked addict who doesn’t love his work nor is it exciting. I’m not knocking on lawyers just an example. Most professions can be made to look useless and boring with the right wording.

Escalate: If you can tell this guy isn’t going to be your new best friend and his game is weak, here’s where you can exploit him or call his bluff. Make the suggestion for a round of shots on him. I’ve used this so many times it’s hysterical. Example:

Him: blah blah blah (just talking about nothing in particular)

You: Cool. (Turning to the girls who will almost never say ‘No’) How about a round of shots on our new friend here? (This puts him in the friend zone and forces him to pay or bounce. If he leaves the group you can make a remark about him being creepy because girls love that one, or if he agrees…)

Him: Ok sure. What do you girls want?

You: (taking control, suggest a shot that EVERY girl likes, a Lemon-drop. It’s vodka and lemonade flavored mixer with sugar around the rim of the shot glass)

Him: (orders the drinks)

This is when you can smile at the girls behind his back and wink at them as though you know their game in getting guys to buy them drinks and you’re in on it, putting you a different level of most men. Bonnie and Clyde attitude. I can almost guarantee that this will work, which gets you more free drinks and gets this guy categorized in the vein of every other guy in the club. The girls will get wet knowing that you know how to ‘hustle’ another dude so smoothly.

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Downey knows…

Vacate: This is all about timing. As soon as you get the shots, say this cheers mantra which is GOLDEN: “Here’s to beautiful girls with dirty thoughts”, smile, throw the shot back, don’t make a face, put the shot glass down, thank him and then grab one of the girls’ hand, doesn’t matter which one, could be whoever is closest to you, and say any of the following:

-”Girls, let’s have a smoke”

-”Girls, let’s check out the VIP” (obviously ONLY if you have the club on lock)

-”I’m bored lets walk around” (whisper this into one of the girls’ ears)

-”Girls, let’s hit the bathrooms” (girls ALWAYS want an excuse to go primp in the bathroom)

The point is to bounce. If he trails behind you, which sometimes happens and is pretty damn funny, because they usually resemble a lost puppy, then just focus on the girls and give him minimal attention. Girls will usually take care of this for you and will tell him one of a hundred excuses girls are professionals at giving.

-Getting the Creeper Rep. This one can be easy to catch if you are running around the club hitting on every decent looking girl. Remember gents, this is about getting a Club on Lock. It takes time and statistically speaking you will start taking girls home even if it takes you a few visits depending on your game level. Just keep it chill, post up at the bar and start looking around. Girls who look your way continually, or smile are generally receptive to being opened. Proceed as usual.

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Here’s some examples of ways to build a good reputation. Heed closely.

-Always be under control when drinking. This is so effin important and is paramount to one of the commandments coming up. All the staff talks and if you have a good rep, word will get back to the owner. He’s key. You’re not here to get white-boy wasted; you’re here to get a nice buzz, build a rep and take a girl home. Note taking the girl home isn’t the most important. If you don’t drink and are comfortable being in a club setting without drinking then you’re good to go.

-IF you bring girls to the club and you will at some point as your club social circle grows, then bring hot girls. This will play into a key facet of the game and can even get you free bottle service. No, that’s not a typo. There’s an insider secret to getting a comped bottle, but more on that later, if I decide to reveal it.

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-Be positive, upbeat, don’t unload your problems on the bartenders, have a devil–may–care attitude, have fun and always be appreciative, thank the staff, and show RESPECT for the club. Ash your cigs into an ash tray, leave your drinks on the bar or table; NOT the floor, don’t spit on the floor and use good common sense that you are a GUEST and practice the Golden Rule.

-Always have the female staff’s back. This may seem like White-Knighting, but trust me it’s not. If you see a patron acting stupid with her and no one is noticing, don’t be afraid to let security know or if you’re in the vicinity try to alleviate the situation. She’ll appreciate it, will introduce her hot friends to you and will talk. Girls talk. A lot. As word gets back to the owner, or if he’s in the club and notices that you have his staffs’ back, he will warm up to you even quicker.

4. Keep Your Circle Small

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I’ve seen this happen with guys who start to get a club on lock and it starts producing that steady supply of females and even I’ve slipped on occasion in the past and have had to tighten up my circle again. What I’m talking about is Protecting Your Asset.

You have put out considerable effort on this mission of making a particular nightclub your pussy paradise and then you decide to bring your buddy Joe Blow along one night, to show off how much you have a club on lock, drink for free, and have the bottle waitresses giving you hugs. Problem is, Joe Blow gets wasted, grabs a bottle waitress’s ass, pisses on the floor in the bathroom, knocks over a bottle service table stumbling around, and eventually gets tossed out for fighting with security. Not cool. Will you be banned? Probably not, if you were clearly not a part of his stupid acts, BUT it reflects on your reputation HARD.

The best rule to have is this, if you know that your wingmen, best friend, cousin, whatever, has ever shown a penchant for trouble and has had multiple episodes at parties or any social gatherings, then DO NOT BRING HIM. Common sense.

I wouldn’t even recommend bringing a buddy until you have been a repeat visitor and built a good reputation for 1.5-2 months. This will depend on the size of the club, your city, etc. This is about YOU; not your friends. You wouldn’t loan money to a friend who has a gambling problem, so why loan him access to your pussy paradise if he can’t handle a few drinks?

If you do have some cool cats who you’re pals with, then slowly integrate them into your world. I have been doing this for years and have a large social circle, but I still only have 2-3 friends who will I bring around to different spots. I know they handle themselves well and I’m happy to let them enjoy the fruits of my labor.

3. Don’t Sleep With The Staff

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Resist the fuzzy boots

Yea, I know the bottle waitresses are going to come on to you at some point, and that cute little coat check girl is just dying to have you bend her over, but do you want to potentially mess up and lose your pussy paradise? Maybe you don’t give a fuck, so you do fuck the coat check girl and everything is cool for a week. Then she realizes that you’re not going to date her and you’re actually gaming other girls right in front her. How dare you?

Well, the cute coat check girl decides to get back at you and tells the owner you’ve been creeping her out at work always hitting on her and my goodness, she even saw you in the parking lot staring at her as she left for then night. Is it true? Doesn’t matter.

We know in this feminist driven world that the female’s voice in a workplace environment will win 99.9% of the time and this time will be no exception. I’ve seen this happen by guys who had a place on lock who wound up getting 86′d permanently from the club.

It’s hard. It’s damn hard, trust me I struggle with it weekly, but it’s not worth jeporadizing what you have going on. Have some self control and maybe flirt here and there in a light charming George Clooney, type of way, but don’t close the deal. There are a few girls who would sleep with you and then act like nothing happened next time they see you but females are females and their old instincts kick in and 9/10 times it will fuck you up at the club.

Do co-workers sleep with each other and club-goers screw the staff as well? Of course. I knew a GM of one of the largest clubs on the entire West Coast, get fired because he slept with a go-go dancer co-worker and she got mad. Plenty of ass coming through your pussy paradise; no sense in effing it up with one girl.

The simplest way to approach this is to do this: Act as though you are an employee of the club.

Don’t do it. I warned you. Even if she looks at you like this…

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2. Bring Table Clients

Nightlife is a business. Yea, it’s not a 9-5 and it’s fun most of the time but don’t be fooled by the smiles and seeing the owner pop bottles. He’s in the business to make money. For some of the owners it’s their expensive hobby, but for most it’s their business and ANY patron who brings in good business will be handed the keys to the kingdom. All of you gents, whether you know it or not right this moment, know of a friend who has a friend etc, who is a baller. Next time they want a night on the town, set them up with the List Girl or even better, the owner.

This is key so pay attention. You. Must. Get. Credit. For. New. Bottle. Business.

If you refer them to the List Girl or a VIP Host, do you think for a million years they are going to give you credit? Hell no. It’s their job to bring in clients and they want to look good. Here’s an example of a conversation between you and the owner of how this goes. Italics are the owner’s thought process.

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You: Hey Club Owner, I have a buddy who’s a pro poker player coming in town next weekend and he wants to do it up big. I told him how dope this club is and he wants to get a table. Do I have him just call the club and reserve it?

Club Owner: Sure Nightclub guy, that’d be great. Have him just call the office number or bring him to List Girl the night of.  I’ve seen this guy around a lot, always cool and I remember Bottle Waitress telling me how he had her back Wednesday night. 

You: Sounds good, I’ll bring him on Saturday night. Thanks.

Club Owner: No problem. Hey, why don’t you have a drink on me, here’s some drink tickets. (Hands you 2-3 drink tickets. Of course you don’t need them now because you followed my steps for getting the bar on lock, but it speaks volumes) Anybody bringing me business in this shit-ass economy is good in my book. Going to keep him happy.

You: Appreciate that. See you Saturday.

Commandment #2 leads perfectly into the #1 Commandment of Making A Club Your Pussy Paradise which is…

1. Make Friends With The Owner

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Doormen get fired. List Girls’ get replaced by hotter, more bitchy List Girls. Heads of Security get fired for stealing, etc. Barbacks get deported (I kid, I kid) and everyone on the chain of command line from the General Manager down to the bathroom attendant will be replaced at some point; it’s just a matter of time.

The one guy (or guys, but generally there is a ‘floor guy’) who matters more than any employee in the club is the Owner. Get in good with him and you’ll essentially be a ‘made man’, if I may borrow from my heritage. You’ll have ‘made it’. The only one who can kick you out of the most inner of circles in that club, is him because he IS the inner circle.

I know you’re wondering ‘Well how the hell do I get in good with the owner of the club?’, and I’m going to tell you in 3 steps:

1. Build your good reputation which gets back to him and he observes in person.

2. Bring him table business. Don’t trip—it doesn’t have to be more than once, but it shows you want to make him money and you’re not just enjoying the perks of having a club on lock without reciprocating.

3. Bring him girls.

Number 3 is so key, I can’t stress it enough. I have never, I repeat, never met, or gotten to know a night club owner who is not in the business, based on the premise of getting more pussy. Yes, they want to make money, but make no mistake, they chose the nightclub business to get ass and lots of it.

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After you’ve talked to him a few times and built a rapport, then when he’s at his table with his buddies, swing by and say hello, but with one key ingredient: bring over a couple hot girls and introduce them to him as the owner.

“But wait McQeen, if he’s the owner of a club, he must have game and get laid a lot?” Wrong. Remember, club owners usually buy a club, in the hopes that that will get them laid and it does… sometimes. We all know money without game, leaves you relying on Lady Luck and hiring escorts. Also, not to be a dick, but I’ve never met a club owner who was very good looking at all. Most are between late 30′s to 50′s and got the short straw in the looks department. What they do have is power and they love to have their ass kissed.

“Fuck that McQueen! I want to get laid! Isn’t that the point to have my own pussy paradise?” You’ve probably heard the story of the two bulls on top of the hill looking down at a pasture full of female cows…

Young Bull: Let’s run down there and fuck a cow!

Old Bull: No. Let’s walk down and fuck all of them.

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When It’s Good To Be ‘That Guy’

If you can be ‘that guy’ and this time in a good way, as in That Guy is: the guy who’s never out of control drunk, always bring girls up to the owner, or to his table and introduces them to him and it helps him get laid and That Guy never asks for anything in return, then you my friend will reap the fruits of your labor in such a huge way, you’ll feel like you won the nightlife lottery. Here’s why:

-Since you have a rapport with the Owner, the rest of the staff will start kissing YOUR ass, because they know you talk to him and they want to be talked about in a good way.

-Access to the Owner’s bottle service table and unlimited bottles to pop. Generally, an owner will have one table that is reserved as his table. This is always a prime spot, definitely in the VIP and close to the Dj often times. When the owner feels comfortable with you he’ll have you at his table drinking for free and essentially getting bottle service all night long with no out of pocket expense. This is huge. I already covered why Bottle Service + Game = Cream of the Crop Girls in the club, well this just got even better.

Due to association, the girls want to initiate contact with you even more because you’re with the Owner. It does not get any higher club DHV then this, save being at LeBron James table. Here’s the kicker though: The next best thing to hot girls to an owner, is celebrities and guess where the owner usually puts the celebs? You got it. At HIS table. So now, you’re rubbing shoulders with the elite. If you live in a smaller city then this will probably not be the norm, but in larger cities it is.

-Access to when the club closes. Although this is not talked about much because it’s a grey area with liquor license, most owners, if they haven’t already left, will stick around when the club closes with a few close friends and girls and continue the party. This is essentially your afterparty and can help you close the deal.

Nothing like an afterparty in a real club with the sound setup, unlimited alcohol and plenty of empty bathrooms and dark corners to seal the deal. I’ve banged multiple girls after clubs closed and one particular time, even in the Owner’s office on the couch. He gave me permission because he was leaving, but the afterparty was still continuing. How’s that for having a club on lock? I still feel bad for some of  my seed sprinkling his couch though. Damn girl didn’t open her mouth wide enough.

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-Invitations to Better Events. Once you’ve become a nightlife friend of the Owner, don’t be surprised when he invites you to exclusive concerts, other nightclubs and parties with the elite crowd. These cats usually have money to some degree and love to party and be a part of the hip crowd. Some of the experiences I’ve had:

  • Courtside seats to NBA games
  • Partied with Chris Brown at his Hollywood Hills mansion and multiple other celebs in public and private settings
  • Backstage access to multiple major concert events
  • Access to Porn Star Parties

Pre-night out free dinners at some of the finest restaurants. This helped me gain access to owners of hip-fancy restaurants where I established individual relationships with them, which has gotten me multiple free dinners and yet, another spot on lock when meeting/picking up girls.

Pour Another Drink

I’ve covered alot here and it may seem overwhelming at first, but the effort is worth it. I can promise you, if you do these steps and get a club on lock to this point, you will definitely have your own Pussy Paradise without breaking the bank. It’s a SMALL investment for a HUGE return.

Once you’ve done this at one club, you may decide to utilize it for months or even years, however if you enjoy challenges, then parlay your new connections and reputation into another club and start getting your City on Lock. When you can walk into just about any club or lounge in your city and get this treatment, then you can consider yourself a Nightlife King and nothing feels better than being the King.

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If you really enjoy nightlife, then don’t be surprised if you get offered a job at a club, promoting or VIP Hosting through your new connections and reputation.

That’s what happened with me. It all started in college for me, when I stood outside a club in 12 degree weather for almost 2 hours in line and swore no matter, from that point forward, I would figure out the secrets to getting a club on lock and having consistent access to hot girls. I went out 3-4 times a week for years and developed these steps through trial and error and it culminated into me being offered a VIP Hosting position. That job led to another, which led to another, etc, and has given me the opportunities to party all over the USA and get paid to do it.

I’ve given you the 10 Commandments To Creating Your Own Pussy Paradise, so now it’s up to you. Good luck gents and I look forward to hearing your success stories.

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Read More: Does Bottle Service Get You Laid?


About the Author

is a best-selling author, former club owner and club VIP Host. Learn more Blog - Books - Podcast Follow him on Twitter: Twitter

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