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May 14th, 2013

5 Commandments For Making A Club Your Poosy Paradise

By

I’m a bit tired. Not going to lie. The type of tired where you feel like you’ve been up three days straight, snorted an eight-ball and finished your last Red Bull and your eyes are still half-closed. This may be a great article or possibly the worst article to ever appear on ROK, because I just returned from Vegas, where I combined business and pleasure, with pleasure definitely being the highlight. So bear with me as I collect my few remaining brain cells and let you in on some insider secrets in nightlife…

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Pack up sweetheart…

We all desire a poosy paradise and many of you gents have combed the earth in search of this one city/town/village/island, you name it, where the women are abundant and they are easy. Well, there is such a place, in just about every decent size city on earth and it’s your local nightclub.

Unless you live in bum-f*ck (insert name of town where people have more beers on their porch than teeth), then you live within an hour’s drive to a popular club. Many of you may not be able to travel so listen up. For the sake of simplicity, if you’re more of a bar type, many of these 10 tips will apply to making a bar your poosy paradise as well.

Know Your Type

There’s no sense in getting a house club on lockdown  if you prefer hip-hop music. With music comes certain types of women. Hip-hop is associated with the African-American crowd and house music is associated with European types. If you hate the music you’re not going to want to go so make life simple: pick a spot where you know you’ll fit in and vibe with the music, even if it’s not the hot spot and focus on that one club.

Dress Appropriate

Berenice Marlohe with Daniel Craig in Skyfall

The suit seems to be working for James…hmmm…

I would move this into a Common Sense section but you’d be surprised how many guys get turned away for idiotic clothing at the door.

-Do not wear a fuzzy hat with eye shadow and a fucking cane. You will get slapped.

-Do not wear a t-shirt stating “Bitches Love Me” or anything of the like.

-Do not wear baggy jeans with your ass hanging out. This isn’t prison and unless you want to tell the world that your ass is available to be plundered, then pull your damn jeans up son.

-Do not always defer to the damn default button-up with jeans and square-toed dress shoes. This look has been around for so long it looks like some guys send out a memo to their friends and all show up looking like fucking clones. Maybe throw it in here and there but don’t always default to it.

-DO put some time into your clothing. Every venue ranges on dress code but here is a simple way to always stand out in a good way: Suit the fuck up. Not going to beat a dead horse and there are varying opinions on this but it works for every gent I’ve ‘converted’ and will make you stand out in a good way. Suits command respect immediately.

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…and Tony Stark too…could there be something to this?

If you hate the idea of a suit, fair enough, so try this on for size: A pair of nice jeans that fit and a V-Neck shirt/sweater with some nice hip shoes. Shoes are so essential to the outfit so do yourself a favor and invest in a decent pair. If you don’t already have one Golden outfit that you feel confident in and you know you look good, then do that first before even thinking of starting to establish a rapport at a club.

Get To Know The Doorman/List Girl

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The gent on the top right pointing his finger, while probably looking at some girl’s tits, Marc Benecke, ran the door at Studio 54 in the 1970′s. Lucky bastard.

This one is no effin joke. The gatekeepers of a club can ruin or make your night. No one likes to wait in line for an hour to be turned away at the door. It’s happened to everyone, even myself and it sucks. The key here is to be sincere but NOT needy. Neediness is the death of relationships both platonic and romantic.

-Don’t be ‘that guy’ begging to be let in.

-A warm smile and a simple greeting are quite effective. Confidence is the #1 player in this equation so don’t hold back. If there was ever a time to fake it even if you aren’t normally confident it’s now.

-Don’t extend your hand for a handshake whatever you do. This comes later after you have established rapport. The last thing a doorguy or list girl wants to do is shake a strangers hand.

-If you have to pay cover then do so with ease and not one iota of complaining. Will you have to pay cover in the future? No. Not if you follow my steps exactly. Even after you walk in, don’t turn to another club-goer and mouth off a stupid comment regarding any of the door staff, security, the color of the carpet or that girl in line who ignored you. Positive, positive, positive. I’ve seen people get blacklisted from clubs from running their mouth and someone overhears it. This is especially important for you cats who live in an area where there are a limited amount of clubs to go to. Those of you who live in a large city keep positive as well. Nightlife industry circles are small and word travels fast.

-Say ‘Thank You’ to whoever let you in. This goes so  far in establishing rapport. A simple ‘Thank you’ or ‘Much appreciated’, is rarely heard and comes across loud and clear. Doormen, lists girls, VIP Hosts, promoters ALL remember who says ‘Thank you’ and who is a dick. Guess who gets better service?

-At some point you will be able to initiate more conversation, but when you first go in this is not the time. When you exit the club is when you make your mark which leads me to my next Law.

Tip Well

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Palm it gents

Making a nightclub your poosy paradise is an investment. Don’t expect to roll up to a club, be a cheap loser and have the red carpet rolled out for you next time. Doesn’t have to be much, but a $20 bill goes along way in most clubs. When you order drinks use the 25% Rule. If a drink costs $12, tip $3 with a smile and once again a ‘thank you’.

Tipping the bartenders well is standard issue and trust me will definitely get you on the road of free drinks. I’m going to share a Golden Secret with you guys which in the beginning will costs you a tad more, but in the end of this mission will have you getting more drinks than your liver can handle.  You ready…

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Cheerful Kate

Once you have established rapport with the bartenders by tipping well, not laying your head on the bar and generating positive entertaining conversation when appropriate, then you can try this: Offer to bolster their tip for ‘free’ drinks.

Let’s say after a month of you attending every weekend you’re cool with the bartenders or maybe specifically one of them. Pick who you vibe with and naturally hit if off with and always order your drinks from them. Tell them I’ll tip you well if you can hookup a shot or a drink.

Bartenders with half a retarded monkey’s brain know where this is going and they LOVE it. They can pour free all night as long as CASH is being exchanged across the bar. It simply has to LOOK like you are paying. They hit a few buttons on the IOS screen and then drop the tip in the tip jar. They have this down to an art. Club owners will hate me for saying this but it goes on at every club. This is how this pans out for you money wise:

Using the original example of a $12 drink with a $3 tip brings your one drink tab to $15. Now under the Golden Secret you can give the bartender say $8 cash, get your free drink and you just saved yourself almost 50% off. This adds up. Over the course of the night say you buy 6 drinks at $15 total each, well you just spent $90. Using my method, you saved yourself $42 which is essentially, now another night out for yourself at the same club.

Another very important  reason for getting the bartenders on your side is that they can cover your ass at the end of the night when you have a cute filly on your arm but need just one more shot for her to turn her hamster off and you are out of cash. Last minute shots are absolute fucking gold in my book and have definitely helped me close. Generally the bartender will pour you a shot and wink. They know what’s up and if you’ve followed my formula then they have no problem comping you a shot here and there.

-When you leave for the night, tip the doorman and/or list girl. Why at the end of the night instead of the beginning? Well 99.9% of club articles about how to get in will say do it in the beginning. Wrong. If you tip in the beginning to get into the club it comes across as a bribe and even if they take the money and smile will deep down have less respect for you. Remember this takes some time. You’re building a relationship with the staff not going for the quick kill. Depending on where you live the tip amount will vary, but generally $20-30 folded up and palmed into the hand of the doorman and/or list girl when you exit for the night does two specific things:

1. You’ve already gotten into the club. You’ve had your fun and hopefully you’re taking a hot dame home with you who’s draped on your arm, so essentially you’ve gotten what you came to get BUT you STILL TIP THEM. You have no reason to from a simple perspective, but you’re not thinking simple anymore; you’re thinking long-term in setting up your poosy paradise.

2. This sets-up your next visit the following weekend or next night depending on how much you go out. They will generally remember you because it’s rare for people to tip at the end of the night and leaves them with a happy feeling about you. Next time you roll up to the club, don’t be surprised if they wave you to the front of the line and let you in.

You may still pay cover (will get to the comped cover in a bit), but guess what Mr. Nightlife? Now you’re not waiting in line with the minions. Never assume they will remember you and never expect it. Be confident, humble and go with the flow. Depending on the city’s size and how many people the club turns out a night it might only take one visit or three. I’ve never had to do this more than 3 times and that was a major club. If you live in a smaller city, say Indianapolis, then done once or maybe twice and you will definitely be remembered.

When you tip them say something like, ‘Thank you, had a great time. First time here and I’ll definitely be back soon”. This establishes that you are new, you’re appreciative and you’re coming back to spend money again. Doormen and list girls love to hear this. Depending on the friendliness level of the door staff, you might be able to ask for a card from them and exchange contact info, but generally it’ll take a couple visits before they’ll be open to this. Feel it out and go with your gut.

Lastly, on this subject, make sure you respect and take care of the bathroom attendant. This cat has the essentials for your night all for a measly couple bucks. If you drop a $5 bill in his jar he’ll wash your car. Cologne, hair gel, breath mints, condoms, he’s got you covered. If doing lines is your thing, then definitely tip him. Don’t take care of him properly and just ask Bruno Mars how that worked out at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas.

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Roll Solo

I’m sick and fucking tired of wannabe players bitching about how hard it is to roll solo dolo. No shit. But guess what? If you want to move into the minority of gents with real battle-field game then man the fuck up and look in the mirror and realize that you have the perfect wingman: Yourself. Look at this as a chance to work on two aspects of your game:

1. Building confidence by rolling solo, realizing no one can ever hold you back again but yourself.

2. It’s much, much, much easier to establish rapport and get a club on lock–down this way. The #1 Question a Doorman or List girl will ask you right away is, “Who are you with?”. This immediately helps them analyze the situation quickly and decide if you’re getting in. When you’re solo its so much easier to slip you in and a complete bitch for them to let in two guys. Ratios baby.

For some of you, your best friend may not have his shit together. He may prefer to sit at home playing World of Warcraft and falling asleep on his bean bag chair with a bottle of lotion and some used tissues on the floor beside him. Get my drift? Just because he’s your best friend doesn’t mean he’s right for this mission.

Think of getting a club on lock–down and making it your personal poosy paradise as a Mission. Not everyone is cut out for it. Even if your buddy is Mr. Cool, I still highly suggest rolling solo to build more confidence. Sure, you might feel odd at first standing in line alone, but spit some bullshit about how you’re ‘meeting your friends inside’ etc. This also forces you to engage with others and the staff. I don’t care how many books you read and videos you’ve watched on getting laid, nothing will ever beat getting in the trenches and putting in the time.

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CONTINUED: Click here to read Part 2.


About the Author

is a best-selling author, former club owner and club VIP Host. Learn more Blog - Books - Podcast Follow him on Twitter: Twitter

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