I’m a firm believer that social anxiety is really a manifestation of an underlying cause, or a series of underlying causes. Social anxiety, in my opinion, is so common nowadays due to multiple dysfunctional aspects of our culture:
- Men have no strong male role models
- Male-female dynamics are blurry at best
- Men are trained to be ashamed of their gender
- Cultural nihilism and a complete lack of genuineness is now the norm
Despite the fact that the causes for social anxiety run so deep in our culture, I still believe that any man can overcome it. This article is not meant to be a “cure all,” or some sort of panacea for the most depressed of men—fixing these deeply seeded issues will take more than a quick fix.
“Magic pill” solutions, however, are very useful, because they get the ball rolling. Having a few quick fixes for social anxiety up your sleeve can boost your confidence and give you the small amount of momentum that will eventually lead to greater changes. So, with this in mind, here are some of my favorite quick fixes for social anxiety…
A large amount of social anxiety is due to overthinking things. In fact, I’d say that simply overthinking things is the biggest factor causing you social anxiety right now. If you think about it (haha, not funny), usually you have the following thoughts in a social interaction:
- “Am I saying the right things?”
- “Am I acting weird? How do I stop being so creepy?”
- “Should I do this? Should I do that?”
If you’re astute, you’ll notice that the root cause here is your thoughts. How many times have you tried to approach a gorgeous woman, but then at the last minute veered away, because you had self-doubt? Learning to overcome approach anxiety, is in large part, simply learning to stop over-thinking things.
I can think of no better way to stop thought than meditation. I realize that I talk about meditation a lot, and at this point I may just be beating a dead horse, but meditation is by far one of the best habits that any man can have.
Meditation, is not, some weird spiritual practice that only Buddhist monks do—in fact, some of the most successful people in the world meditate on a daily basis. Why? Because it trains you to detach yourself from thought. When a thought pops into your head, rather than attaching to it and getting all worked up about it, you simply train yourself to ignore it.
When you’re at the club, rather than thinking: “Oh god, what if that guy tries to AMOG me?!” you won’t even think at all. You’ll just be completely present, in the moment, and focused on taking his girls.
2. Change Your Underlying Beliefs
A lot of self-development stuff out there is extremely surface level. What I mean by this, is they teach you to fix the surface level issues, rather than the actual cause of the problems. With this in mind, one of the root problems of social anxiety is the belief that something is wrong.
I see this in guys that have social anxiety very frequently; they always feel like they have to be DOING something. There’s something wrong with the situation, or with them, and they have to say something to break the tension. They can’t just relax and enjoy the interaction.
This stems from the fundamental belief that something is wrong, when in fact, nothing is wrong! More often than not, when you think that something is wrong, you’re really just tripping yourself up. As an experiment, I want you to try something out the next time you go clubbing.
The next time you’re at a bar, a club, or just interacting with friends, take note of how you feel. Do you feel an underlying sense of anxiety or worry? Again, the underlying belief that’s causing this is that “something is wrong here.” Half of the time, simply acknowledging and understanding the cause of your social anxiety can in fact, cure it.
When I first discovered this in myself, I was shocked at how often I felt like something was wrong—even when I was lying in bed next to a girl, I felt like something was wrong. I had to say something, because I was anxious and worried; I didn’t know why, but I just felt that something was wrong.
Learning to recognize this annoying little trait in yourself will begin the process of you distancing yourself from it, and recognizing how stupid it is.
3. Use The “Genuine Opener”
There’s a concept known as congruence in game, and despite its importance, I only think I’ve talked about it once or twice. Congruence is basically being aligned in your thoughts, words, and actions. It’s simply being who you are.
Despite its seeming simplicity, congruence is actually one of the most difficult parts of game to master. In addition to this, it’s also one of the most important components of verbal game, and without it, girls will chew you up and spit you out. Girls want to know that you’re okay with yourself, and congruence is how you convey this.
This is the biggest thing for chicks; they want to know who you are, and anytime they sense that you’re changing your personality for THEM or for another person, they’ll secretly resent you for it. “But Jon, what if you’re a depressed loner?” I can hear someone ask.
That’s fine, and in fact, it’s often times even better. Whenever I go to the club and I’m in a bad mood, I always use what I call the “genuine opener,” or the “congruence opener.” This is basically just being COMPLETELY congruent with what you’re feeling. If you’re depressed, then just be depressed.
Women would far rather be with a man who’s genuinely depressed, angry, bitter, or jealous, than a man who fakes happiness. Women respect a man who has the balls to put his emotions out there, rather than constantly wearing a mask, because he’s too afraid to be himself.
Here’s an example of me using the genuine opener a while ago. I was feeling depressed for some reason, so I just expressed how I felt:
- Jon: “Hey.” [Intense eye contact, slight frown, *sigh*]
- Girl: “Hey…” [twirling her hair] “Are you alright?”
- Jon: “No. I fucking hate my life.” [Intense eye contact, sad expression]
- Girl: “I’m so sorry! Can I give you a hug?”
- Jon: “Yeah, sure.” [Completely indifferent]
- Girl: [Gives me a hug] “Why are you so depressed?”
- Jon: “Honestly, I don’t want to bring your mood down, just forget about it. What’s your name?”
And like that, I was in. Often times if I’m experiencing a lot of social anxiety, I’ll use the genuine opener as a way to segue into gaming the girl—use it to get some social acceptance (because who would flat out reject someone so puppy-dog comical depressed), and then work your way up from there.
4. Utilize Semen Retention
Or, in layman’s terms, do no fap. As ridiculous and over the top this may sound, doing no fap has literally been life-changing for me. Others before me, such as Napoleon Hill, have noted that very successful men often have high sex drives; this is not coincidence.
There’s something in psychology known as transmutation. This is the process of turning sex drive into other, more practical emotions, such as ambition, confidence, motivation, assertiveness, and “masculine drive.”
So basically, when you stop jerking off and looking at porn, you’ll have all of this pent up sexual energy that your subconscious mind will use to turn you into a badass. I realize that this may sound ridiculous, but here are some of the things I noticed after around a week of utilizing semen retention:
- Less social anxiety
- More confidence
- Deeper, more relaxed voice
- More assertiveness
- My game “magically” increased (this is what testosterone does)
- And more
Doing no fap, is in my opinion, the most effective way to permanently overcome social anxiety. I mean think about it: every time you masturbate and look at porn, you’re literally flooding your brain with an unnatural level of dopamine and re-wiring it to favor instant gratification over long-term rewards and pleasure. How do you expect to have the courage and will power to learn game if you’re a weak little drug addict?
I could write an entire article on the benefits of no fap, and I will in the future, because it is literally so incredibly life-changing that I believe if every single man in America did it, we could bring back the Patriarchy. In fact, no fap has been so utterly transformational for me that I even made it one of my “7 Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity.”
I highly urge you men struggling with social anxiety to stop masturbating and viewing porn altogether. There’s a reason why Reddit’s no fap community is literally over 200,000 men. The stuff works, try it. You won’t be disappointed.
5. Use Game-Enhancing Drugs
Ah, yes—we can’t have a post on social anxiety without mentioning good old kratom, can we? Most of the men of ROK are already familiar with kratom, however, so I’d like to focus on some other game-enhancing substances. But first, I’d like to explain the underlying philosophy behind using them.
Recognize that game-enhancing drugs are a very powerful quick fix, but you don’t want to use them as a crutch. Rather, you should use them to get over the initial period of approach anxiety that a newbie encounters when he commits himself to improving his game.
Don’t ever use kratom (or any of the other game-enhancing substances I’m going to mention) as a crutch. This won’t fix the underlying problem, but will only mask it. With that being said, don’t be afraid to use them as a way to get over the initial hitch.
Aside from kratom, I’ve personally found phenibut to be PHENOMENALLY powerful—when I’m on phenibut I find myself opening women with literally no approach anxiety. I don’t even have to warm up, either; I just find myself permanently in the zone.
In addition to phenibut and kratom, I’ve found GABA and Kava to be helpful. For GABA I take 500-1000mg about an hour before going out, and for Kava I prefer two teabags of Kava tea. I would be careful with these two, however. Depending on your brain-chemistry, I’ve found that 50% of people have phenomenal results with GABA and Kava, while 50% find it makes them more anxious.
Ultimately, you’ll just have to experiment for yourself. Phenibut is the safest place to start, because 99.5% of people have very good results from it. Remember though, use it as a tool; ultimately you’ll have to develop the emotional and social tools necessary to feel at ease in a social situation, and this can only be done through repetition.
Read More: One Way To Defeat Your Social Anxiety