A friend of mine recently met a respectable young lady who, after imbibing extreme amounts of alcohol, whisked him away to his dorm room for love making as the rest of us left for the day’s events. It was 3 in the afternoon, a solid start to any night. After their fun they caught up with us at the venue, hand in hand all butterflies and smiles. From what I remember, she didn’t part from his side.
I chalked their closeness up to the excitement they were sharing, and sub-par game on his part, but a few weeks later what he thought was some no-strings-attached casual sex turned out to be a full fledged clinger situation. He brought up her incessant texting and suggestions for dates over beers with our group and from what I gather he made some very grave errors.
He was seeing her multiple times a week, letting her stay over, doing things the morning after, having long text conversations, and going on dates. He’d gone too far down the ‘boyfriend’ path and she was obsessing over him. After a week or two of this he’d had enough, he called her up and gave her it on straight and narrow.
“You’re being too clingy, I was under the impression this was casual. I didn’t think we were dating.”
He thought he’d won when she called him an asshole and stopped texting, but little did he know that at that moment she wanted him more than ever. A day later he brings her up again saying she’d apologized for calling him names and that she wanted to make things work.
With just a few precautionary measures he could have avoided this whole situation. There is an art to keeping things ‘casual’ especially when it comes to clingy girls.
What Constitutes A Clinger?
The number one trait of a clinger is that of neediness. She will text you constantly because she is seeking attention. She will ask why you didn’t reply quickly, she will subtly, or otherwise, ask your whereabouts. Even though you’re miles away it still feels like she’s breathing down your neck.
Clingers are usually very physical right off the bat. She will hang off of you, try to hold your hand and give an amazing blow job. This might seem nice until she follows you around like a lost puppy or won’t let you leave her side. Unsettling escalations of future plans including: what you two are going to do a week from now, a month from now, and when you’re married. She will ask a lot about your friends and try to integrate into your social circle as quickly as possible.
In short a clingy girl is like a bad smell that follows you from room to room. Once its too late its damn near impossible to get her off your back, but there are some things you can do even before you two have sex.
While the following are all around solid tips, I’m tailoring this for those who find themselves in potential clinger territory. Maybe you only got a makeout the first date, but she was very affectionate (physically), trying to cuddle and hold hands. Maybe after this date she texts you as soon as she leaves saying how much she enjoyed herself (a great sign), but follows that up later with a lot more texting pushing for a second date with relationship connotations such as dinner or a walk on the beach.
What you want to be doing here is leading the interaction and limiting the time she feels you’ve spent together. Note these are all assuming a solid first date where she shows a lot of interest, so much so that you suspect she might be clingy. Try these:
- Limit texting to mainly logistics, same with calling. Don’t have a conversation especially since she is already showing a lot of interest.
- No ‘formal’ or ‘romantic’ dates. If you had a few drinks at a bar then went back to your place then just get her to come over again for liquor and a movie.
- See her once a week MAX (applies moreso post-bang)
- Do not bring her into your social circle and do not venture into hers. You want your ‘relationship’ to just be you two, she can’t form any bonds with people you know, or know too much about your life, or it will give her more to hold on to once the neediness starts.
- Keep physical interaction to a minimum. Don’t cuddle with her on the couch, don’t give her lots of hugs, hold her hand or touch her too much (some of this is a given). She will become too familiar with your warmth.
- Be dismissive or outright ignore any requests. If you don’t reply to a text and you phone the next day she might ask “Are you mad at me why didn’t you reply?” Ignore her question and start talking about whatever you were going to talk to her about (again applies moreso post-bang).
So you’ve kept her at a baseline level of attraction and have set the tone of things. She understands you are laid back and just want to hang out. She gets that you prefer talking in real life over texting, and she knows you don’t bring her to meet your friends because you prefer just the two of you hanging out. What happens once you two start having sex and she starts bringing up you being her boyfriend?
To me the best way to make a woman understand that you two are friends with benefits who just keep things casual is to make her come to that conclusion herself. Based on the pre-emptive measures above she values the time you two spend together. Normal girls will understand this and won’t push for a relationship. A clingy girl will latch on to the small amount of affection you give her and want more. Luckily women have an extreme prowess for rationalization. Your goal now is to guide her to the conclusion that you two aren’t all that serious.
1. Don’t let her fuck you. Keep leading like you were before, but don’t give into the temptation of a late night hookup where you’d have to sleep over. She might send you a picture of her in her panties, but you must remain strong and have sex on your terms. Otherwise she will start chipping away at your aloof exterior and have you coming back for more.
2. Limit your rapport. Since you’ve already had sex you don’t really need to do anything more than you’ve already done. Don’t start inside jokes, don’t let her pry into your past or you unto hers, don’t be her confidant, and don’t give her guidance. You two have sex and hang out. That’s it.
Starved of enough attention the clingy girl will rationalize that you two aren’t all that serious. She’ll still be madly in love with you because you are the charming and mysterious stranger who swept her off her feet, but she knows it’ll be nothing more than fun and she will enjoy it while it lasts. One more piece of advice would be that you should never keep a girl around any longer than she needs to be. If she stops adding value to your life or becomes too clingy just cut her free. There are plenty of other girls out there.
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